IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

“Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is often argued that sharing
information
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 freely in the fields of science, business, and academia is beneficial for global progress.
However
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, others believe that certain
information
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 is too valuable or sensitive to be made public.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why a balanced approach is necessary. On the one hand, the free exchange of
information
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 is the engine of innovation. In the scientific community, researchers build upon the findings of others. If data regarding medical breakthroughs or environmental solutions were kept secret, progress would be significantly delayed.
For example
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, during global health crises, sharing genetic data allows scientists worldwide to develop vaccines in record time.
Similarly
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, in academia, open access to journals ensures that students and researchers everywhere have the same opportunities to learn and contribute to human knowledge.
On the other hand
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, there are clear reasons why some
information
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 should be protected. In the business world, "trade secrets" are what give companies a competitive edge. If a tech company were forced to share its proprietary algorithms, it would lose its market value and the incentive to invest in
further
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 Research and Development (R&D).
Furthermore
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, in the wrong hands, certain scientific
information
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—
such
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 as details on nuclear technology or methods of cyber-attacks, could pose a massive threat to national security if placed in the wrong hands.
Thus
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, protecting certain types of
information
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 is crucial for security, fairness, and sustainability. In my opinion,
while
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 the general rule should be open to foster growth, intellectual property rights must be respected to reward innovation. A middle ground is best
:
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 foundational scientific and academic knowledge should be free, but specific commercial applications and sensitive security data should remain restricted. In conclusion,
while
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 total transparency accelerates human development, the risks to economic stability and safety mean that some
information
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 must remain private.

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task response
Make your own view a bit more clear in body parts, not only near the end.
task response
Add one more short real example to make your ideas feel more strong.
task response
Link your last body part to your opinion with a few clear words.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more simple linking words like 'also', 'so', and 'because' to make the flow even smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main part on one clear idea, and then add one direct support line.
coherence and cohesion
Watch small repeat points, like saying danger twice in one sentence.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
task response
Your ideas are clear and easy to follow.
task response
The examples about health data and trade secrets fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main point, so the reader can follow your plan.
coherence and cohesion
Words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' help guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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