IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

There is no denying the fact that many
people
Use synonyms
 want to find a job with no experience
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they do not want to study at
university
Use synonyms
. There are benefits and
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 to
this
Linking Words
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will look if the advantages outweigh the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if
people
Use synonyms
 begin working without going to
university
Use synonyms
, they will start at a young age.
In other words
Linking Words
, they might finish learning and master the work in a short time. That could help them to earn a large amount of money at a small age.
While
Linking Words
 those who chose to go to
university
Use synonyms
 have not yet finished their study.
For example
Linking Words
, working in a garage after finishing high school, you will have earned enough experience in only one or two years. Another point to consider is the problems that might happen. One of the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 is that it could
effects
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 the academic jobs, since there will be a big number of
people
Use synonyms
 who do not study at a
university
Use synonyms
. Jobs like doctors or engineers that require a degree will have a problem because not everyone has one. And
that is
Linking Words
 a huge problem and might affect countries because most
people
Use synonyms
 will work without a degree. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 can work without going to
university
Use synonyms
 and might find it easy for them, but they do not think of the situation their government will be in. So the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 of that are way more.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more clearly. Say early if advantages or disadvantages are stronger, and keep this idea all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear advantage and explain it well. Now your ideas are a bit general.
task response
Use a more direct example for your main point. The garage example is useful, but explain how it links to work-based training.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explanation, example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words like 'however', 'therefore', and 'for example' can make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to another.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has one paragraph for an advantage and one paragraph for a disadvantage, so the structure is easy to see.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your opinion in the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: