IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development?

There is no denying the fact that humans in
this
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 time are using new
ways
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ways,
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 like
technology
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to
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, to
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 contact each other. That could lead to changes
on
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in
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 the way they make relationships with others.
Also
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, there are advantages and disadvantages
from
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to
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this
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and
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, and
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 we will look at them in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, many new ways
now become
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have emerged
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 to make different
typs
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types
 of relationships in the modren
life
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.
In other words
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, when
technology
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 began in our
world
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world,
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 it came with
a difference
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different
 types of communication. One of them is that people
now can
Correct word order
can now
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 find new friends without even seeing them or even knowing where they are from.
For example
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, using social media can make you talk to others that even thousands
mils
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of miles
 away from you, and you are just
seting
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sitting
 at home. Another point to consider is the
benfits
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benefits
 we will get from that, there are plenty of them. On the one hand, individuals can learn about the
diference
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differences
 between other countries by using the new methods, because the more they talk and
wach
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watch
 how other countries
work
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work,
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 will give them a clear idea about them.
On the other hand
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, bad people, those who
do
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commit
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crimes
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crimes,
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 might use
this
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 to get to the others and find more about their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 without them knowing about it.
For instance
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, on account of
yong
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young
 girls posting about their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 on Instagram, criminals can find some
informations
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information
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 that will lead
to
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them to
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 do bad things.
However
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, it is not a
comman
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common
 thing we can use as an argument to say that
technology
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 is a bad development. In conclusion,
technology
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 has changed our way of
life
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on
Change preposition
in
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 many ways. It
also
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 brought many benefits
which
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, which
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 make that development a positive one.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly how tech changes relationships, and say why it is mostly good or bad.
task response
Give fuller main ideas. Some points are too general, so add one more clear reason in each body part.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Your example about social media is relevant, but it needs a little more support.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clearer. Start each body paragraph with one main idea that links to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some words like 'Also' and 'However' are used, but the flow can be more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph focus. The second body paragraph mixes good and bad points, so it is less easy to follow.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give your opinion in the end.
task response
You include an example about social media and online contact.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic logical order from changes in relationships to the good and bad sides.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interact
  • Social media platforms
  • Networking
  • Instant messaging
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Misunderstandings
  • Emotional context
  • Superficial connections
  • Deceptive identities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Social skills
  • Video calls
  • Online presence
  • Digital communication
  • Cyber relationships
What to do next:
Look at other essays: