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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences.Others believe there are alternative measures.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is
ongoing
Correct article usage
an ongoing
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 debate about the best way to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
. Some people believe that long prison sentences are the most effective solution,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that alternative measures can achieve better results. Supporters of long-term imprisonment argue that it can deter potential criminals and reduce criminal activities. They claim that for serious offences, especially violent crimes
such
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 as robbery and kidnapping, offenders should receive harsh punishment and pay the price for their actions. Long prison sentences, even permanent ones, can lower the likelihood of reoffending.
In addition
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, strict punishment sends a strong message to society and discourages others from breaking the law.
However
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, others believe that alternative approaches are more effective. They argue that preventive measures and community-based rehabilitation are more beneficial for reducing
crime
Use synonyms
.
First,
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Improving
Fix capitalization
improving
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 economic conditions can increase employment opportunities and reduce the gap between rich and poor, which helps lower crimes caused by financial pressure.
Second,
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strengthening legal awareness and moral education, especially among young people, can prevent
crime
Use synonyms
 at its source.
Moreover
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, for minor offences that pose little threat to society, offenders can be given opportunities to reform through appropriate financial penalties
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 or community service.
This
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 approach not only conserves police and prison resources but
also
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 contributes to social stability. In conclusion ,despite the fact that harsh punishment might have some positive effects,
such
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 as
it can act
Wrong verb form
acting
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 as a strong deterrent to potential criminals and
lessen
Wrong verb form
lessening
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 criminal conduct .
yet
Fix capitalization
Yet
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 I am still convinced that improving economic conditions, strengthening legal awareness and moral education, and providing community-based rehabilitation are more effective ways to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 in the long term.

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task response
Make your opinion more clear in body 2, not only in the end.
task response
Add one short real example to support your idea.
task response
Explain a few ideas more deeply instead of listing many ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts have small grammar breaks.
coherence and cohesion
Keep sentence style smooth in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Group similar ideas in one clear line of thought.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Main ideas are easy to follow in most parts.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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