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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Once children start school, teachers have more influences on their intellectual and social development than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the ultra-modern era, the education system has undergone significant changes, leading to an undeniable debate about who plays a more important role in a child’s life.
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While it
Correct pronoun usage
It
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 is commonly suggested that
teachers
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 have a more profound impact on a student’s intellectual and social development. I strongly support
this
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 statement
due to
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 several reasons, which will be examined in
this
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 essay. First and foremost, pedagogical experts have a more crucial influence than relatives because
teachers
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 can easily explain topics as complex
mathematics
Change preposition
as mathematics
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 and physics.
This
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 means
,
Correct word choice
that
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 academic knowledge is effectively delivered by professionals who have pedagogical expertise.
For instance
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: parents may not have the specific skills to explain complicated algebraic equations,
whereas
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teachers
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 are trained to simplify these difficult concepts for children.
As a result
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, educators
has
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have
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 been
leaded
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led
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 to beneficial increases.
Furthermore
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, it is argued that the academic staff
is promote
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promotes
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 the development of multiple skills,
such
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 as
socialization
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socialisation
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 and discipline.
This
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 is because parents spend a lot of time at their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
,
deducing from
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resulting in
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this
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 the
sometimes close family have
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family sometimes
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 not
enough
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getting enough
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 attention
due to
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full
Correct determiner usage
their full
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of
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apply
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time
at
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spent at
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 work.
For example
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, research from Oxford University has shown that 78% of experiments
are proved
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have proven
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 that educators are a great inspiration to a young pupil.
Thus
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,
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 meaningful impact in our society
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 been
done
Verb problem
made
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 by academic
teachers
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. To recapitulate,
while
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 the role of parents remains a fundamental cornerstone of a child's upbringing, the influence of
teachers
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 in the modern era is arguably more significant once formal education begins.
This
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 is
due to
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 their
specialized
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specialised
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 ability to deconstruct complex academic subjects and their role in fostering essential social disciplines within a structured environment. Ultimately, as society becomes more
specialized
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specialised
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, the professional guidance provided by educators becomes the primary catalyst for a child’s intellectual and social maturation.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
task response
Give support that is more clear and more direct.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and easy to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more smooth way from one line to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear topic in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar in linking parts so your meaning stays clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task response
You give an answer to the question and keep your view clear.
task response
You try to use examples to support your points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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