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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph below shows the number of students enrolled in four types of higher education — universities, colleges, online courses, and vocational training — in Australia between 2005 and 2020.

The line graph illustrates how the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
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 enrolled in four types of higher education changed over a fifteen-year
period
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 in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
students
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 in online
courses
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 sharply increased over the years,
while
Linking Words
 the rate for colleges decreased gradually during the same
period
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
universities
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 and vocational training fluctuated frequently during the
period
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. In 2005, online
courses
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 had the lowest
number
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 of
students
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 across these four training
centers
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centres
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,
while
Linking Words
universities
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 had the highest at the same time.
Although
Linking Words
online
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the number of online
show examples
courses
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' increase was significantly
sharp just
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the following year, their
number
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 of
students
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 doubled.
Universities
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' learner rate reached its peak at 460
thousand
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 by 2014, before experiencing a gradual decrease to 440
thousand
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.
However
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 year, online
courses
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 surpassed the
number
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 of university
students
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 at 450
thousand
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. In conclusion, during
this
Linking Words
 fifteen-year
period
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, college attendance slowly decreased,
while
Linking Words
 vocational training decreased with fluctuations. Vocational training reached its peak at 220
thousand
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 by 2011,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of college trainees fell
across
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the years. By the end of the
period
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, online
courses
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 had the highest rate at 600
thousand
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, followed by
universities
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 at 420
thousand
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, colleges at 200
thousand
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, and vocational training at 180
thousand
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, period, courses, universities, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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