IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

This
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 essay will highlight the differences between large shopping
malls
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 and small
shops
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, and will
also
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 compare their impact on today's society.
While
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 some people argue that a shopping mall has a good impact on the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
show examples
, others believe that it is prejudiced in many ways. On one hand, big shopping
malls
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 bring with them benefits for people
,
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apply
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 and
to
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apply
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the city.
For example
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, job opportunities, as many stores will be opened at the new shopping mall, the demand for workers will
also
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 increase
due to
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 new stores being created, with new and big stores, the city will collect more money from those companies, money that could be reinvested in wealth and education.
On the other hand
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, small
shops
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 would be evaporated
due to
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 the lack of resources to compete with big companies, behind the construction of a new shopping mall.
In addition
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, people are used to those small
shops
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 and might struggle to get used to them again in a totally new place.
In addition
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, these small entrepreneurs would lose their way of living. In my opinion, big shopping
malls
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 may offer benefits, but
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also
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they also
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 have detrimental aspects to society.
However
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, small
shops
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 are incapable of providing the same benefits as big companies would.
This
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 dilemma could be solved with a partnership between large
shops
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 and small
shops
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, where both could work together to deliver services in the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
show examples
. In conclusion, a solution could be found if large shopping
malls
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 and small
shops
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 work together for the same goal, improve the place where they are established, creating jobs and increasing the amount of money collected by the city.

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task response
Give a clear answer from the start. Say if this is mostly positive or mostly negative.
task response
Add one or two real and clear examples to support your ideas.
task response
Explain your main points more. Some ideas are good, but they need deeper support.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some parts repeat the same pattern.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check unclear words or phrases like 'prejudiced' and 'evaporated' because they make the meaning hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You discuss both sides of the issue, which helps answer the task.
task response
Your opinion is given near the end, so the reader can understand your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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