IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Young learners have a lot of responsibilities to succeed in their academic journey,
while
Linking Words
 some people think that fitness training and culinary
skills
Use synonyms
 should not be taught as part of vocational training. In that case, I disagree with that statement because academic
education
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 can enhance students’
abilities
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 , but soft
skills
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 and basic cooking
skills
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 are critical for each individual in every aspect of lifestyle. These days,
admission
Fix the agreement mistake
admissions
show examples
 are very competitive with each other academically , and their parents are
also
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 putting pressure on them to focus on academic achievement. Academic
education
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 is good for every student’s
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abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
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 to showcase their critical thinking and intelligence. These
skills
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 are essential in each young learner because academic grading results are helpful when applying for higher
education
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. Some students have their dream college or university after passing the matriculation examination.
As a result
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, they keep pushing themselves to score higher accomplishments in early
education
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.
On the other hand
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, sport exercises and basic culinary
skills
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 should be considered as extracurricular activities
due to
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 the importance of independence in later life. Teamwork and leadership
skills
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 are as
much
Rephrase
apply
show examples
critical as academic subjects because students will enter the workplace someday. Training in physical activities and cookery not only improves a strong mindset and a useful skillset , but
also
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps them
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 fitter and their emotional intelligence mature.
Therefore
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, these
skills
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 are not wasteful as it enhances a student’s
overall
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abilities
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 in both perspectives.
To conclude
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, students should
also
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 learn educational subjects , mainly
while
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 balancing out the
nonacademic
Correct your spelling
non-academic
 activities , which will enrich the student’s intellect
abilities
Use synonyms
 and emotional brainpower.

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear, and you give your opinion from the start. But you should answer the question more directly all the way. The topic says these subjects should be removed from school, but in one part you call them extracurricular activities. This makes your position a little unclear.
task response
Task response: Your main ideas are relevant, but they need more full support. For example, you say sport builds leadership and cookery helps later life, but you should explain how and give one simple real example.
task response
Task response: Your examples are quite general. Add one specific case, such as how school sport helps group work or how cookery helps students live alone at university.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-part structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. This is good and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some links between ideas are weak or a little confusing. For example, the first sentence talks about vocational training, which is not the same as the question. Try to stay closer to the key words in the task.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are hard to follow because the idea order is not smooth. Try to put one main idea in each sentence, then explain it in the next sentence.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use simple linking words in a careful way, such as 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'therefore'. Do not add too many ideas in one sentence.
task response
You clearly say that you disagree, so the reader knows your view early.
task response
Most of your ideas are on topic and relate to school subjects, student life, and future work.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which gives it a full shape.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus: academic study in one and non-academic skills in the other.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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