IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is cruel keep wild animals in zoos. Others believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. What do you believe are the advantages and disadvantages of keeping wild animals in zoos?

Many people consider that it is
inhumance
Correct your spelling
inhumane
 to
confining
Wrong verb form
confine
show examples
 wild
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, other people believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 can be useful in preserving wild species.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both positive aspects and negative aspects of containing wild
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
. There are many advantages of keeping wild
animals
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 in
zoos
Use synonyms
. First of all, educating public
awerness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 about wild
animals
Use synonyms
.
In many
Change preposition
Many
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
 have many
educate
Replace the word
educational
 programs
link
Wrong verb form
linked
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 to
school
Check wording
schools
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 or goverment, so they can educate the visitor about endangered
animals
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.
Secondly
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, keeping wild
animals
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 in
zoos
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 can help conserve endangered
animals
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 because
the zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
 have breeding programs to help their population
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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 and
also
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 they provide habitat to
animal
Check wording
animals
show examples
 for
live
Replace the word
life
.
As a result
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, the population of endangered species will increase.
However
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, there are several disadvantages of confining wild
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, wild
animal
Check wording
animals
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 can live in unnatural
environment
Check wording
environments
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, which can lead to
stressed
Replace the word
stress
 and depression. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the environment in
zoo
Correct article usage
a zoo
show examples
 is very different from wild
Use synonyms
animals
Check wording
animals'
show examples
 natural habitat, so they cannot live freely and their movement is restricted.
Moreover
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, some
zoos
Use synonyms
 prioritise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profit and entertainment over animal welfare. They force
animals
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 to perform shows in order to attract more visitors.
As a result
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, these
animals
Use synonyms
 may live in poor conditions and suffer from stress. In conclusion, keeping wild
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
 has several advantages of educating people and conserving endangered species, but it
also
Linking Words
 has some disadvantages of creating unnatural habitat and
priorting
Correct your spelling
prioritising
 profit , leading to animal abuse.
However
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, in my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
For task response, answer the question more clearly. You discuss both sides well, but your own view is only very short at the end. State your opinion earlier and support it more.
task response
For task response, add more clear ideas. Some points are good, but they are explained in a simple way. Try to show how and why zoos help or harm animals.
task response
For task response, use one or two specific examples. For example, name a breeding program or a kind of animal. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-paragraph structure, which is good. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences feel broken or not fully connected. Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, as a result.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each body paragraph more focused. Start with one main idea, then explain it, then give an example or result.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one main purpose.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • natural habitat
  • artificial enclosures
  • genetic diversity
  • animal welfare
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • education platform
  • breeding programs
  • reintroduction
  • psychological suffering
What to do next:
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