IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed their education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvangtages?

In recent years,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
adults
Use synonyms
 are living with their parents, even
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 after they have graduated and have
job
Correct article usage
a job
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.
This
Linking Words
 topic has both positive and negative aspects, which will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the main
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 is that when you stay with your parents, you have less stress about household chores.
For example
Linking Words
, many people believe that removing household chores from their daily
life
Use synonyms
 routine gives them plenty of
time
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 to learn new skills and grow professionally.
Furthermore
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, when you reach home after
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
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 day at work,
parent's
Check wording
parents'
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 love and care take
those
Fix the agreement mistake
that
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 pressure away from your shoulders,
due to
Linking Words
 which your mental health is always stable.
On the other hand
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, there are several drawbacks as well.
Adults
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 staying with their parents at their house
has
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apply
show examples
lack
of
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apply
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time
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 management
skill
Check wording
skills
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.
Time
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 management skill is very crucial in personal and professional development, it teaches how valuable
time
Use synonyms
 is in someone's
life
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.Another disadvantage will be
,
Correct word choice
that
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adults
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 get too comfortable and less productive around their guardian. To get knowledge about
real
Correct article usage
the real
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 world, you need to work hard by yourself without any supporting hand on your shoulders.
Recent
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A recent
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 survey done by CBC news indicates that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults
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 living by themselves are more
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 and hardworking in
life
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as comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
adults
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 living with their guardians.
To sum
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up
Add a comma
up,
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while
Linking Words
 staying with your guardian offers several benefits, it
also
Linking Words
 takes away some learnings from your
life
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.In my belief, disadvantages
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
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 the advantages as to grow in
this
Linking Words
 society, you need to have some skills which
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
 you in escalating your
professionally
Replace the word
professional
 and personal development.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly all through the essay. Say why the bad points are stronger than the good points in each body part.
task response
Add one more clear and real example for each main idea. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Develop each point a bit more. Some ideas are good, but they stop too fast and need more explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your plan more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words in a smooth way. Sometimes the jump from one idea to the next feels too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your grammar patterns more controlled, because some sentence problems make the flow less clear.
task response
You answered both sides of the topic and gave your own view at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like firstly, furthermore, on the other hand, and to sum up.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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