IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people assert that
schools
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 are not necessary since
children
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 can get a lot of information online
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can
also
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 study at home. Is there any merit to
this
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 belief? I disagree with
this
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 view because
although
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 online learning is more accessible and convenient,
schools
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 can still provide more direct support from
teachers
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 and help students develop social skills. First of all, online learning can offer better access to learning materials and personalised content. With a computer and an internet connection,
children
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 can join online classes and watch a wide range of useful online videos almost anywhere and at any time.
Moreover
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,
children
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 can effectively learn academic subjects through
personalized
Change the spelling
personalised
show examples
 content at their own pace.
For example
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, if
children
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 are weak at basic numeracy, they can review the calculation at home and keep up with classmates by taking online math courses.
Therefore
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, online learning can help
children
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 develop their academic performance with more accessibility.
On the other hand
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,
schools
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 can enhance
children
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's communication skills and provide flexible support from
teachers
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. Through project-style practice and group work,
children
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 can learn how to cooperate and collaborate with peers, which can be essential in later life.
Furthermore
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,
teachers
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 can provide more practical and flexible feedback depending on each student's situation. By way of example, when
children
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 struggle to gain higher scores in
English
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,
English
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teachers
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 can offer one-on-one
English
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 classes after school, which can improve their
English
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 grades.
Consequently
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,
schools
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 are effective in developing
children
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's soft skills and offering
teachers
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' dedicated support. In conclusion,
although
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 online learning can enable
children
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 to access a wide variety of learning content more readily,
schools
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 can still play a significant role in fostering
children
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's social development and offering
teachers
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’ close guidance.
Schools
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 are likely to remain in the future.

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task response
Make your answer to the question a bit stronger. You say you disagree, but you can show this more clearly in each main part.
task response
Add one more clear reason why schools are needed. This can make your ideas more full.
task response
Your examples are good, but they can be more real and more exact.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow. To make it even better, link some ideas more smoothly inside each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some points are explained well, but a few lines repeat the same idea in a new form. Try to cut this.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that show your main point in a more direct way.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic and easy to understand.
task response
You use examples to support both body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is logical and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words like 'First of all', 'Moreover', and 'On the other hand' help guide the reader.
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