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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that children should be involved in making schools' rules. Some argue that adults should be in charge of making rules. Discuss both view and give your own opinion

The question of whether
children
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 should participate in creating school
rules
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 is a topic of ongoing discussion.
While
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 some believe that schools should value and consider
students
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' opinions, others argue that educators should have sole responsibility for rule-making. I intend to explore
both
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 perspectives, offering a thorough analysis before presenting my own opinion. Those who support involving
students
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 often argue that it leads to fairer and more reasonable
rules
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. Including the viewpoints of
both
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 adults and
students
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 can help create
rules
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 that are well-rounded.
This
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 approach can help ensure that
rules
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 satisfy
both
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 teachers and
students
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, promoting a more comfortable learning environment and better student-teacher relationships.
For example
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,
students
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 could suggest changes to homework policies or break times to better suit their learning preferences.
Furthermore
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, student involvement in making school
rules
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 can not only make educators' work more efficient but
also
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 develop
children
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's critical thinking skills and increase their independence. When
children
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 feel they are heard, they are more likely to respect and adhere to the
rules
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, leading to a more cooperative school setting.
Conversely
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, those who
favor
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favour
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 adult-led rule creation have different arguments. They often assert that administrators have more life experience and a greater understanding of safety, discipline, and educational goals.
This
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 experience makes them better equipped to create
rules
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 that maintain order compared to
children
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.
Additionally
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,
children
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 might not have the maturity to fully consider the long-term consequences of
rules
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, making them less suitable for
this
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 task. In conclusion,
while
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both
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 viewpoints have valid points, I believe a balanced approach that involves
both
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students
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 and adults is the most effective.

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task response
Write a little more about your own view in the end. Now your opinion is clear, but it is too short.
task response
Add one more clear example for the adult side. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are not fully explained. Try to show why each point is true in a simple way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because the order is clear. To make it better, link some ideas more smoothly inside the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Try not to make some sentences too long. Shorter sentences can make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. You already use some well, but a few more simple links can help the flow.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion, so you address the task well.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is clear, and your conclusion is present and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph plan, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
task response
You give a relevant example about homework policies and break times.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • engagement
  • relevant
  • reflective
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making
  • experience
  • long-term implications
  • consistent
  • professionally considered
  • lenient
  • biased
  • discipline
  • order
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