IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In
this
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 period of time, many scientists
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 shown the
reserch
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research
 of some
theory
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theories
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 or
others
Replace the word
other
information
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 which can make
people
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have known
Wrong verb form
know
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 about
information
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 that they never
know
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knew
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 before.
However
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,
minor of
Correct determiner usage
many
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people
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 believe that some
information
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 is too crucial or too valuable to be shared freely to public.
Body · 1
To begin
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 with, if scientist shared
information
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to
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with the
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 public and make
people
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 known they can
approved
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approve
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 some
information
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which have
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that has
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 conflict or debate.
In addition
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, after sharing
information
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 of scienctific
research
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 topics that
people
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are
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apply
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have
struggle
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struggled
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 with will be clear
and
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, and
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people
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 will believe it from
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research
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the research
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.
Moreover
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, it can reduce
problems
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the problems
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belief of
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of people's beliefs
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people
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 in wrong knownledge
also
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 they can change their mind by the
research
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.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, if a lot of
information
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 from scientific
research
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have
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has
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 been
shared
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shared,
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 it will make after that a lot of
people
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 will request
to
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apply
show examples
research
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other
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on other
show examples
 topics to
approve
Verb problem
support
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 their
belief
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beliefs
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.
Additionally
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, from
this
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point
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point,
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 could make sciencetific
research
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 will not have
a
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apply
show examples
privacy
and
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, and
show examples
research
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 will have other
people
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 encroach
the
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on the
show examples
research
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. 
Conclusion
To conclude
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, its have two opinions from both
of
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apply
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views
which
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, which
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was
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were
show examples
people
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 who
trust
Verb problem
believe
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that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 good to share
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information
Check wording
apply
show examples
scientific
research
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.
Nevertheless
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, some groups of
people
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 believe
sciencetific
Correct your spelling
scientific
research
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 might not be in public. In my opinion, it was possible to share
information
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to
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with the
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 public
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due to
Correct word choice
because
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people
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 should have to know that
information
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 and thought with themselves
by did not encroach
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without encroaching on
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 scientific
research
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 and
also
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 can solve the conflict
thinking
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of thinking
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from
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among
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 many
of
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apply
show examples
people
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 who have
struggle
Wrong verb form
struggled
show examples
 with
information
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.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why sharing is good, and why some facts should not be shared.
task response
Give your own view in a clear way. Put it in the end of the introduction and again in the conclusion.
task response
Use one clear main idea in each body part. Then add one simple reason or example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic order: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Make them shorter and link them in a simple way.
coherence and cohesion
Use basic link words well: first, also, however, for example, so, in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main point only. This will help the reader.
task response
You discuss both views, so you understand the task.
task response
You give your own opinion in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has four parts, so the reader can see your plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use some link words like however, in addition, and moreover.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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