IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children today are overweight and in poor health. Give reasons for this and give solutions to help fix the problem.

Nowadays, young people are overweight and in poor health. It might be the
results
Check wording
result
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 of a terrible eating habit and a
none exercing
Correct your spelling
non-exercising
 lifestyle. The number of a fast-
food
Use synonyms
 company
increses
Correct your spelling
increases
 every year, significantly. The
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
 of
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
Use synonyms
 becomes something that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
taking
Verb problem
is taking
show examples
 less awareness of and allowing their
child
Use synonyms
 to eat junk
food
Use synonyms
everyday
Rephrase
every day
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, adolescents become overweight
fat
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
. In
addiction
Replace the word
addition
, physical
inactivities
Check wording
inactivity
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 children to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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poor health. The cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem may
comes
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hardworking
parents
Use synonyms
, as when the
parents
Use synonyms
 are working so hard to the point that they are letting their
child
Use synonyms
stick with
Verb problem
stay on
show examples
 the screens,
yungsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 tend to move their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 less than
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
, causing various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of sickness
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. The most effective way to solve these problems is to eat
a beneficial nutrition
Correct word choice
nutritious
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and to
have an
Verb problem
engage in
show examples
 active activities
everyday
Rephrase
every day
show examples
, or working out three times a week is acceptable. In order to do that,
cooperations
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cooperation
show examples
 between
parents
Use synonyms
 and young people
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 crucial. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, if
parents
Use synonyms
 make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
nutrition
Replace the word
nutritious
food
Use synonyms
 for their
child
Use synonyms
, it could reduce a bad eating habit, as there is no need to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 for
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
 at
this
Linking Words
 point.
Linking Words
As well as, if
Correct word choice
If
show examples
 the
parents
Use synonyms
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 time with their
child
Use synonyms
 by taking them to the playground or doing some active activities together, their
cild
Correct your spelling
child
 could be able to have a healthy life style by that. In conclusion, eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 and
none
Rephrase
not
show examples
 exercising
habits
Check wording
apply
show examples
become the main cause of problems for children,as it makes young people overweight and in poor health.
However
Linking Words
, these problems can be solved by the cooperation between
parents
Use synonyms
 and the kids themselves.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give reasons and solutions, but each part needs a bit more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph for reasons and one for solutions is good, but explain each point more.
task response
Add simple and clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, because, so, and finally. This will help the essay flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects clearly to the one before it. Some parts are hard to follow now.
task response
You answer the full question with reasons and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The main ideas are relevant to the topic, like junk food, less exercise, and help from parents.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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