IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In spite of technological developments in transportation, many people believe that a bicycle is the best way to reach any destination within the city. What are the advantages and disadvantages of using a bicycle nowadays?

In modern society,
people
Use synonyms
already
Verb problem
have already
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 achieved a lot of technological developments in
transporation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 and think that it is an important way to reach any
destination
Punctuation problem
destination,
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while
Linking Words
 others think that using
Use synonyms
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
 is more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
. I strongly believe that there are more disadvantages of using
a
Correct article usage
apply
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new technologies in
transportation
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 than advantages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some disadvantages of using
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bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
. First of all, a person should spend more
time
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to reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 any destination by
bicycle
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. In some cases, it is not
safety
Replace the word
safe
 and may
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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take risks
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 if you
use
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 roads for
cars
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, using
Use synonyms
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
 in big cities like Beijing or Tokyo
not
Verb problem
is not
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convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 for
people
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beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 there are long
destinations
Check wording
distances
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 and
not safety
Correct word choice
unsafe
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 roads.
Moreover
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, it can
led
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to serious problems
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if you
will be catched
Wrong verb form
are caught
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 on the road.
On the other hand
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, new technological developments in
transportation
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 can bring a lot of benefits. First of all, it allows
people
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 to save
time
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 and reach the destination very quickly and
conviniently
Correct your spelling
conveniently
.
For example
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, a busy person who
use
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 taxi
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 may save more
time
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 and do other things
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such
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, such
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 as speaking on
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
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 or reading a book
during
Punctuation problem
, during
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his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 trip.
In addition
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,
according to
Linking Words
 green energy
a
Punctuation problem
, a
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lor
Correct your spelling
lot
 of countries provide to
use
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electical
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electric
cars
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 which have less pollution and help to sace environment.
As a result
Linking Words
, there are a lot of benefits
of
Change preposition
to
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 using
cars
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, especially
electrical
Correct word choice
electric
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cars
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
people
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 choose to
use
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Use synonyms
bicycle
Check wording
bicycles
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 for
every day
Correct your spelling
everyday
 life,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 believe that it is already
old
Correct article usage
an old
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 kind of
transportation
Use synonyms
 and we should
use
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 new technological developments in
transportation
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for saving
Wrong verb form
to save
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time
Use synonyms
 and
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 much more modern.

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task response
Answer both sides in a clear way. Write one full part on good points of bikes and one full part on bad points of bikes.
task response
Your main idea changes. The task is about bikes, but much of the essay talks about new transport. Keep the focus on bikes.
task response
Give more direct and clear ideas. Say why bikes are good now, such as low cost, health, and no traffic.
task response
Use examples that fit the question better. Add simple real city examples about bikes, not only taxis and cars.
coherence and cohesion
Make your plan easier to follow. The first body part starts with one side, but the second body part changes the main focus.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a correct way. You use 'On the other hand' two times, but the second time should show a different side more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your ideas step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Support each point with a short reason and one clear example. This will make your writing stronger and easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to give examples, such as big cities and electric cars.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic paragraph structure, which is a good start.
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