IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Children need to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It's argued that punishment is
necessary
Rephrase
more necessary
show examples
 for
children
Use synonyms
's upbringing than teaching with polite methods.
This
Linking Words
 essay
is
Verb problem
apply
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totally disagrees with
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 statement. I think that
children
Use synonyms
 deserve to be treated politely.
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
show examples
 it can effectively shape
kid's
Check wording
kids'
show examples
 behaviour.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, teaching with punishment can cause childhood trauma. On the one hand, being too serious for kid's actions can have a negative effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their mental health and cause stress. It's proven by scientists that
children
Use synonyms
 of strict parents suffer from stress and depression more than other people.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 there are some parents
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 use physical force
like
Change preposition
as a
show examples
 method of punishment, and I'm against it. Abusing and bullying underage kids can not teach them how to act properly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many courteous ways that can teach
children
Use synonyms
 how to be well-mannered. Psychologists showed that
explanation
Correct article usage
the explanation
show examples
 of good and bad actions can
make
Verb problem
help
show examples
 distinguish between right and wrong behaviour.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 definitions can be beneficial even for adults.
In addition
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, explaining how to act properly without force wouldn't be
cause
Correct article usage
a cause
show examples
 of childhood trauma.
Linking Words
Hence
Punctuation problem
Hence,
show examples
 polite teaching is more advantageous than harsh disciplinary methods. In conclusion, for the
children
Use synonyms
's mental health and for their
future
Punctuation problem
future,
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 it is essential to use
gentle
Correct article usage
a gentle
show examples
 approach.
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
show examples
 people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 grow up with gentle parental support can easily reach
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 outcomes.

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task response
Make your main view very clear from the start. Write: I fully disagree that punishment is necessary.
task response
Answer all parts of the question. You should say what kind of punishment you mean and why you reject it.
task response
Add one clear example to each body part. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, and so, but do not use too many.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar changes the meaning.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep it through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are easy to see: harm from punishment and value of kind teaching.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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