IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts above show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report of at least 150 words describing the information show

The bar chart demonstrates the growth of Japanese international tourists between 1985 and 1995,
while
Linking Words
 the line diagram
informs
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 the number of
Use synonyms
Japan's
Correct word choice
Japanese
show examples
 citizens visiting
Australia
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1985 and 1994. In general,
although
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
's tourists travelling abroad rise significantly, there are some plateaue trend in some
years
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the same trajectory shows by
Japan
Use synonyms
's visitors in
Australia
Use synonyms
, with minor
different
Replace the word
differences
 in the period of changes.
According to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
's data, the international vacation increased considerably,
stood
Wrong verb form
standing
show examples
 at 5
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 in
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 initial stage,
then
Linking Words
 doubled in 1990.
However
Linking Words
, it
broken
Wrong verb form
broke
show examples
 fractionally a year later, after which
levelled
Correct pronoun usage
it levelled
show examples
 off
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 two
years
Use synonyms
, before
then
Linking Words
 hit their highest level in 1995, making fivefold of
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 initial number. With regards to
Australia
Use synonyms
's share, in comparison, it can be observed that a few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Japanese came to
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 1985,
then
Linking Words
 jumped to 5% after three
years
Use synonyms
. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it degraded by a margin of 1% in 1989, a significant recovery
grow
Replace the word
growth
 appeared for the remaining
years
Use synonyms
, peaking threefold of their original shares in the final year.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, australia, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tourists
  • travel
  • abroad
  • number
  • increase
  • year
  • country
  • popularity
  • market
  • share
  • Japan
  • Australia
  • significant
  • factors
  • income
  • options
  • global
  • trend
  • consistent
  • role
  • visitors
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