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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, the development of technology has allowed computers and mobiles to translate language automatically. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In today's
world
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, automation has achieved a certain level that allows computers and devices to translate languages automatically. Many communities believe that the disadvantages could outweigh the advantages of
this
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 achievement. I strongly believe that pros are way better than cons.
This
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 essay will highlight the differences. On the one hand, computers that automatically translate idioms create a
world
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 without barriers. Since the community has the opportunity to travel to any continent without the fear of not speaking the native
language
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 of the place, it automatically creates a new way of travel and plans the next holidays.
For instance
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, there are headphones capable of translating a real conversation simultaneously, allowing a person to not struggle with any
language
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 anymore.
This
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 technology could
also
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 increase tourism in a specific place by enhancing the number of visitors.
On the other hand
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, with devices capable of
such
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 functions,
people
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 might get too lazy to study and learn a new
language
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. Individuals tend to accommodate in situations where it is not necessary to spend their energy
,
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;
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this
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 has led to fewer
people
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 seeking
language
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 courses.
In addition
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, businesses around the
world
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 would be affected
due to
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 the lack of skills to speak another
language
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.
However
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, the necessity of translators would increase, creating opportunities for skilled
people
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. In conclusion,
such
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 technology has innumerable benefits for society if
people
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 use it properly
,
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apply
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 and outweighs the disadvantages. If folks use it correctly, a new
world
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 of opportunities becomes possible.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in each body part. In body 2, you say people may not learn languages, but then you add that jobs for translators may grow. This makes your line less clear.
task response
Add one more clear and real example to support your points. One example about travel is good, but the other side needs stronger support too.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more. Some points are good, but a few are too general, like business being affected.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. For example, after one main point, show more clearly how the next sentence grows from it.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with sentence joins. Some long sentences would be easier to follow if you break them into two shorter ones.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your plan at once.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
The travel example helps support your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' well.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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