IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As a result of illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What can be done to deal with this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the contemporary era, illegal hunting is becoming ubiquitous. It causes a lot of harmful implications ,
such
Linking Words
 as the
extinctions
Check wording
extinction
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 of some species. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly believe that we have to preserve all types of
animals
Use synonyms
 for future generations by setting more penalties for lawbreakers and encouraging new measures to protect them. First of all, any type of creature has a substantial impact on our planet. Starting from small insects and ending with dominant predators, they create an imperative food chain in the environment, which is essential for all
animals
Use synonyms
, including homo sapiens.
For example
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, in 1986, in Zambia, the wild rabbit population in the region fell dramatically
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 because people had been actively hunting for them. These events led to an
increasing
Replace the word
increase
 in hunger levels among wolves. Eventually, they began to attack local villages in order to find some food. To solve
this
Linking Words
 concern, authorities must revise their constitution and
have to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
establish nature reserves. Because of today's methods
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are ineffective and inadequate, the number of endangered species, that are in the Red Book is getting bigger and bigger every day. The EU created a set of laws that prohibit hunting numerous species, and they constructed a significant number of animal reserves that can save them from dangers, resulting in the level of illegal
huntings
Check wording
hunting
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 being halved. Other countries have
had
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
followed their lead and started to foster their prohibitions too. Ultimately,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 illegal hunting
endanger
Correct subject-verb agreement
endangers
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 the stability of the wildlife and gradually
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 the number of rare
animals
Use synonyms
. To deal with them, the government should establish
favorable
Correct determiner usage
a favourable
show examples
 environment by building more facilities for
reserving
Use the right word
preserving
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 and rules to protect them.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: say why animal protection is important, and then give 2 clear ways to stop illegal hunting.
task response
Make your main ideas more direct. Some ideas are good, but a few lines are hard to follow.
task response
Use examples that feel more real or explain them more. This will make your answer stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some long sentences make the meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion from the start.
task response
You give solutions, such as stronger laws and safe places for animals.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like First of all, For example, and Ultimately.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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