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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about the typical temperatures in London, New York, and Sydney as well as total hours of sunshine for each city.

The line chart illustrates the differences between the temperatures and
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sunshine total
Correct word order
the total sunshine
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time
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 in the cities
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London
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of London
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, New
York
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, and
Sydney
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 throughout the
year
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the weather in the cities
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London
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of London
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 and New
York
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 both get increasingly
high
Correct word choice
hot
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 from April to the end of
august
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August
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
Sydney
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, which has a decreasing
temperature
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 around that
time
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.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, the city of New
York
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 gets to have the longest
time
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 of
sunshine
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. The weather in
London
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 at the start of the
year
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 is quite cold, ranging from 0 to only 5 until the month of March. After that, the
temperature
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 substantially increases from April till the end of
august
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August
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.
Then
Linking Words
, it starts to gradually decrease until
november
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November
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, and
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
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 getting cold again in winter.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
temperature
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 in New
York
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also
Linking Words
 goes up and down around the same
time
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 as
London
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, reaching the highest point
at the end
Linking Words
 of August.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Sydney
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's
temperature
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 starts off the
year
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 being extremely high,
then
Linking Words
 it drops significantly around
april
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April
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 to June. After that, it remains at almost the same
temperature
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 from June to October,
then
Linking Words
 it becomes hot again until the next March.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the duration of
sunshine
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 is the longest in New
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york
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York
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, it roughly gets 2535 hours each
year
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.
On
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In
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 the second place,
Sydney
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 has 2437 hours annually.
Lastly
Linking Words
, gloomy
London
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 gets the shortest
sunshine
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time
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, which is only 1180 hours.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sunshine, time, london, york, sydney, year, temperature with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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