IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Organised tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment.

More and more
people
Use synonyms
 are keen on travelling to villages or to places that have a spectacular view. In terms of influence on local habitats,
this
Linking Words
 situation is completely negative as foreigners create annoyance and pollution
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 significantly affects the environment. These days, tourists are craving for places that have clear air,
nice
Correct article usage
a nice
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 atmosphere and attractive places.
While
Linking Words
 foreigners are relaxing from their tour, local habitats not. The particular reason for
this
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 circumstance is that if more
people
Use synonyms
 visit to some particular
place
Use synonyms
, the more chaos and mess happen. Basically, every country has its own culture and ethical rules, and these rules vary. As long as they come to the
place
Use synonyms
 which has its own strict conventional rules, visitors unnoticeably ruin their guidelines.
This
Linking Words
 causes a mess in that
place
Use synonyms
 , and individuals get angry
as a result
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.
On the contrary
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, tourism can be a great source of money
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, tradition is likely a priority in some countries.
For instance
Linking Words
, Japan,
this
Linking Words
place
Use synonyms
 is well-known for its tradition and culture. Japanese habitat wears their traditional attire so as to show how their culture is. Whilst
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 tourists who came from American and European countries affect their look. Principally, they put on clothes that are fashionable, but
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
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 community do not.
On the other hand
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, it has a significant impact on the environment too. As demand for visiting the country increases, the government is likely to cut down trees in order to free up space for hotels. Every year, approximately 100 hotels are built to accommodate visitors.
Whereas
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this
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 can be unrecognised by foreigners, but
society
Correct article usage
the society
show examples
 who live there
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
 it. Plus, fewer trees
means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
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 less oxygen.
As a result
Linking Words
, climate change increases significantly
due to
Linking Words
 the insufficiency of plants.
Conversely
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, because of the number of
people
Use synonyms
, the traffic rate accelerates as well. Noise from vehicles
,
Correct word choice
and
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 long queues makes the local
people
Use synonyms
 more stressed.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to burnout, depression and fatigue. In conclusion, tourism can be the main point of profit, but it creates a drastic air pollution, traffic and long queues, which have a deleterious effect on residents

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: say why it is negative for local people and why it is negative for the environment in a direct way.
task response
Give one or two clear examples that fully match your main idea. Some examples now are not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main point easy to follow at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some sentences are hard to follow because too many ideas are joined together.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear paragraph focus: one paragraph for local people, one paragraph for environment.
task response
You give a clear opinion that this is a negative development.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic of tourism, local people, and the environment.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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