IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

With the development of
the urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
 and
industrialization
Change the spelling
industrialisation
show examples
, large cities have become more crowded than ever. In that aspect, living conditions in populated areas
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become a topic of concern among communities towards their healthcare aspects. From my perspective, the trend is considered a double-edged sword ,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 reflects both pros and cons on
health
Use synonyms
 standards.
To begin
Linking Words
, it is no secret that, with the rapidly growing population in town space has
pave
Wrong verb form
paved
show examples
 the way for
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 economic and industrial zones ,which generate a high degree of air,water,sound and land pollution.
As a result
Linking Words
, the toxic gases and fumes
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
emitted by
such
Linking Words
 work sites lead to appearence of adverse
health
Use synonyms
harzards
Correct your spelling
hazards
,
such
Linking Words
 as pulmonary
dieseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
, skin illnesses and mental disorders. More pathetically,
competitivness
Correct your spelling
competitiveness
 of
such
Linking Words
conglomarates
Correct your spelling
conglomerates
 paves the way for
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 hectic lifestyles and anti-social eliments ,which could
occurre
Correct your spelling
cause
 adverse
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
 on
yound
Correct your spelling
young
 civilians.
For example
Linking Words
, one study found
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that individuals who tend to live municiple areas
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
would suffer from a
high
Replace the word
higher
 level of non-communicable
dieseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 than
peasents
Correct your spelling
peasants
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the study reveals that
,
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
noisy environment in cities has led to youth unrest and aggressive behaviours.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, lives in non-rural areas
reflec
Correct your spelling
reflect
 its positive aspects as well. More
imporatanly
Correct your spelling
importantly
,
due to
Linking Words
 growing
communities
Punctuation problem
communities,
show examples
 more healthcare facilities ,garbage disposal mechanisms ,and other
infastructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 facilities have been improved in towns.
As a result
Linking Words
, dwellers are given the golden opportunity to
get
Verb problem
take
show examples
 precautionary action towards their
health
Use synonyms
. More positively, in the
present
Replace the word
presence
 of
the advance
Replace the word
advanced
 technology in
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 field ,
such
Linking Words
 as scanning, laboratory and
sophosticated gymnasiums
Correct your spelling
sophisticated gyms
 have paved the way for individuals to ensure their well-being.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 recent communal research, a considerable number of senior citizens stated that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
urbanized
Change the spelling
urbanised
show examples
 environment has provided them with
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
ample opportunities to meet
specialized
Change the spelling
specialised
show examples
 medical
preofessionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 enjoy their mental
health
Use synonyms
 as well. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is evident that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 'Change is inevitable'. In that aspect, every communal figure should step forward to
recognize the
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 both
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 and demerits of living in
metropolitants
Correct your spelling
metropolises
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people should play their roles wisely to combat the challenges ,and at the same time,
afeguard
Correct your spelling
safeguard
 their
health
Use synonyms
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 to achieve
longivity
Correct your spelling
longevity
.

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task response
Give a more clear answer in the first part. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
task response
Keep your main idea the same all through the essay. Now your view is mixed and not fully clear.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and clear. Some examples are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part start with one clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and smooth way. Some lines are hard to follow because of word order.
coherence and cohesion
Check how one sentence leads to the next. Some parts feel broken or not well joined.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both bad and good sides of city life.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear essay shape with an opening, two body parts, and an ending.
task response
You try to add examples to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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