IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many individuals believe that
children
Use synonyms
 learn to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of the community from their
Use synonyms
parents
Punctuation problem
parents,
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while
Linking Words
 others argue that they should learn
this
Linking Words
 at
the
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apply
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school.
AIthough
Correct your spelling
Although
 the
later
Use the right word
latter
show examples
 point is true, I would argue that
parents
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 play a significant part in the upbringing of their child. First and foremost,
parents
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 the
repsonsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to teach their sons and daughters to become
a
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apply
show examples
good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of
the
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apply
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society. Young kids look up to their
parents
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they are responsible for teaching them good manners
Linking Words
This
Punctuation problem
. This
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 is because
children
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 spend most of their time at
their
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apply
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home and learn everything they see
them
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 doing.
As a result
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,
child
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children
show examples
 adapt the behaviour and personality of their mother and father.
For example
Linking Words
, many youngsters learn slang words if they hear their
parents
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 saying
it
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them
show examples
 at
their
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apply
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home.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, teachers play a key role in the character development of their students. At the school, students learn the difference between what is right and wrong behaviour.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
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 can learn how to treat other members in their classroom with respect. Many schools teach ethics and moral actions through practical demonstration, which makes it easier for
learner
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learners
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 to understand.
For instance
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,
In
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in
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 many educational establishments in Japan,
children
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 participate in several voluntary activities like cleaning their classroom and planting trees.
Consequently
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, these
actvities
Correct your spelling
activities
 help them become a responsible member of their community. To sum it up,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
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 schools have an important role in teaching
children
Use synonyms
 good manners,
parents
Use synonyms
 play a greater part in teaching good
manner
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manners
show examples
 and fostering a sense of
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 towards
the
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apply
show examples
society.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more full way. You do this, but your view can be a bit more clear in the middle of the essay too.
task response
Give one more clear idea for each side, and explain it a little more.
task response
Your example about Japan is good and fits well. Try to add one more specific example for parents too.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, like 'First and foremost' and 'On the other hand'. Add more simple linking words like 'also', 'so', and 'because' to make ideas flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not fully clear because of grammar and word form problems. This can make the reader stop. Try to keep each sentence short and clear.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion. This is good for the task.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to see: parents teach at home, and schools teach right and wrong.
task response
The Japan example is relevant and helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is divided into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow most of the time.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
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