These days in some countries an increasing number of young adults are choosing their whole weekends inside homes. Why do you think it is happening ? Is this a positive or negative development?

There is no denying the fact that the number of
teenagers
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who prefer to stay at
home
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is increasing around the world, especially at the weekend.
This
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essay will discuss the causes of
this
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trend and the potential solutions to tackle
this
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problem.
To begin
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with, there are many reasons for
this
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trend in many homes.
Firstly
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, nowadays most young adults set up their rooms as separate worlds, and they have many ways to have fun.
In other words
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, people prefer to spend time with as little physical effort as possible,
such
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as playing video games and watching movies.
In addition
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, we have multiple types of gaming consoles, so
teenagers
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can connect with their friends and gather in one game.
For example
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, if we want to play with different nationalities and ages, we can do it online in a convenient way. In terms of advantages, technology helps parents manage
teenagers
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more easily, because they feel more comfortable when their children spend time at
home
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. It is
also
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possible to say that staying at
home
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prevents many accidents that may happen outside,
such
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as road accidents and unpredictable situations.
Moreover
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, many types of entertainment can be provided inside the
home
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with suitable equipment for
teenagers
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’ rooms.
For instance
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, several studies recommend that parents keep their
teenagers
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under their supervision, which leads to numerous benefits. In conclusion, there are many reasons that lead to the increase of
this
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trend around the world. It is
also
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true that the development of technology has many advantages and helps protect
teenagers
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from many negative situations.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You explain why young adults stay home, but your view on positive or negative is not fully clear.
task response
Give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it through the essay.
task response
Add one main idea about the negative side too, then explain why you still think it is more positive or more negative.
task response
Use examples that are more real and direct. Some examples now are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one clear point. The first body is about causes, but the second body only gives benefits.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some ideas connect well, but some jumps are too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with one short clear reason and one example.
task response
You clearly introduce the topic in the first paragraph.
task response
You give several reasons for why young people stay at home.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion matches the main topic.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • young adults
  • stay indoors
  • spend weekends at home
  • busy week
  • feel tired
  • rest and relax
  • save money
  • high cost of living
  • online entertainment
  • stream films
  • play video games
  • order food
  • work or study pressure
  • feel safe at home
  • avoid crowded places
  • social life
  • real-life contact
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • negative development
  • positive development
  • overall trend
  • in the long run
  • lose social skills
  • become less active
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