IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural populations are moving to cities, leading to a decline in the rural population. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

The
moving
Replace the word
movement
 of rural population to cities reflects not necessarily a negative development, but certainly a change that requires attention and support from the government. If
in
Change preposition
on
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 one hand
people
Use synonyms
 are leaving their rural places to follow better opportunities,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other, the increase of
people
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 in the cities has
brougth
Correct your spelling
brought
 a rise in numbers of homelessness issues, violence, unemployment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 other several problems
tipically
Correct your spelling
typically
 faced when there's a
rising
Replace the word
rise
 without planning.
In contrast
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
, governments should give
people
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 better conditions to stay in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 and invest in technologies to make rural
life
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 closer to urban
life
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 in terms of quality.
This
Linking Words
moving
Replace the word
move
 is,
although
Linking Words
, natural and explained by the urge that young generations have in building a
life
Use synonyms
 full of meaning, something that later on can change. Usually, the best schools, universities and jobs are concentrated in urban
Use synonyms
areas
Punctuation problem
areas,
show examples
 what make
people
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considering
Wrong verb form
consider
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 moving. How can
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 make up for the lack of
option
Check wording
options
show examples
 in rural
areas
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 and keep
people
Use synonyms
 living there? Again, it's just a matter of investment. One example could be the implementation of agricultural campuses closer to rural
areas
Use synonyms
, with that, families would see a
ligth
Correct your spelling
light
 at the
enf
Correct your spelling
end
 of the tunnel, having the opportunity of offering kids a good option to educate themselves and take the
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 for building something
that is
Linking Words
 going to be for them. Better roads, internet and support to small
business
Check wording
businesses
show examples
 and small
productors
Replace the word
producers
 are definitely another way of showing
people
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 that
life
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 in the countryside
it's
Correct pronoun usage
is
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 not only possible but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can
be
Rephrase
also be
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 great. Even
because
Correct word choice
though
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 all the progress, richness and development
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 with the farms and from the earth.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start. Say if this change is mostly good or mostly bad, and keep this idea strong in all parts.
task response
Add one or two more clear examples to support your ideas. Your idea about schools and farm study is good, but it needs more detail.
task response
Explain your points more fully. Some ideas are good, but they are short, so the reader wants more reasons and results.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. Some parts jump fast from one point to another.
coherence cohesion
Group similar ideas in the same paragraph. For example, city problems in one part and rural support ideas in another part.
coherence cohesion
Make sentence flow smoother. A few lines are hard to follow because of word order and missing small link words.
task response
You answer the question and talk about both the move to cities and the need for government support.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and an ending idea.
task response
You use a real example about schools, roads, internet, and small business in rural areas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural area = the countryside
  • urban area = the city
  • move to cities
  • job chances
  • better pay
  • public services
  • health care
  • education
  • a better future
  • leave behind
  • an aging population
  • local business
  • farm workers
  • traffic jams
  • high housing costs
  • overcrowding
  • air pollution
  • social problems
  • quality of life
  • balanced development
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