IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The bar char below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham between 2000 and 2009. Write a report for a university lecture describing the information shown below.

The given bar chart compares the
houses
Use synonyms
 built per year between 2000 and 2009 in Derby and Nottingham.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
houses
Use synonyms
 built in Derby seemed to keep rising as opposed to that in Nottingham
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 had fluctuated in the given decade. To start with, in Derby 2000 to 2001, the
number
Use synonyms
 of residences remained stable at around 49 before improving to about 56 in 2002, and around 120 in 2003. After a rise in 2003, the
number
Use synonyms
 of residences stayed
steadily
Replace the word
steady
 for four years until an increase in 2008. As for 2008, the accommodation records improved to 280, and reached the peak at almost 350 in 2009. Moving
onto
Change preposition
on to
show examples
 Nottingham, the figures started in the given decade at 50
houses
Use synonyms
, and slightly increased in 2001.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
accommodation
Fix the agreement mistake
accommodations
show examples
 fell in 2002 to less than 25 before steadily improving
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2003 to 2005. Interestingly, in 2006, the figure dived to almost 0 before skyrocketing to almost 200 in the following year, reaching its peak again in 2009, at 250
houses
Use synonyms
 built.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Write a clearer overview. Say the main trend for both cities in one short part.
task response
Use data more carefully. Check years and numbers so all key points are right.
task response
Add the most important compares between the two cities, not only each city alone.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph order more clear. Group similar years or big changes together.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple way, like overall, while, then, and in contrast.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are hard to follow. Keep sentence form simple and direct.
task response
You gave an overview of the main trends in both cities.
task response
You used many numbers and years to support your report.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start and two body parts for the two cities.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas usually move in time order, so the reader can follow most parts.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: