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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is best to live in a horizontal city while others think of a vertical city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People
Use synonyms
 have different views about whether it is better to live in a horizontal city or a vertical one. In my opinion, I believe that vertical cites are a better choice
due to
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its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 benefits. On the one hand, there are certain reasons why some
people
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 prefer living in horizontal
cities
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.
Firstly
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, horizontal
cities
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 usually offer larger living environments.
People
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 here are more likely to live in bigger houses with private gardens and greater access to natural sunlight.
This
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 type of environment can have positive impacts on both physical and mental health, especially for young children and the elderly.
In addition
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, in emergency cases
such
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 as earthquakes or fire, low-rise buildings in horizontal
cities
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 allow
people
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 to escape more quickly since they do not have to rely heavily on elevators or long stairways.
However
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, I believe that the advantages of vertical
cities
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 are much more significant. Indeed, vertical
cities
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 are more convenient because they provide residents with easier access to a wide range of amenities
such
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 as housing, schools, and malls within one area.
Hence
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,
people
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 will not need to travel long distances to meet daily needs, which may help them save both time and transportation costs.
In addition
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, shorter commuting distances
also
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 reduce the need to use vehicles in the streets, thereby helping to ease traffic congestion and air pollution.
Furthermore
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, vertical urban development uses less space for housing construction compared to horizontal
cities
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.
This
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 would increase housing supply and make houses more affordable for the residents. In conclusion,
although
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 both horizontal and vertical
cities
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 have their own benefits, I believe that staying in the vertical
cities
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 is far better.

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task response
For task response, you answer all parts of the question and give your opinion clearly. To get a higher score, add one more clear example for each side.
task response
For task response, some ideas are good but still a bit general. Try to explain how and why each point leads to the result.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and paragraphs are clear. To improve more, use linking words with more care and avoid simple repetition like 'in addition' too often.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some sentences could connect more smoothly. You can make the flow stronger by linking one idea to the next more directly.
task response
For task response, you discuss both views and give your own opinion from the start to the end.
task response
For task response, your main points are relevant and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main focus, so the reader can follow your ideas well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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