IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

some people say museums are great. however, others saythey are boring and old fashioned and can be replaced by technology Give the advantages and disadvantages of museums

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The line graph indicates the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in millions
visited
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the National
Gallery
Use synonyms
, Victoria and Albert
museum
Use synonyms
 and British
Use synonyms
museum
Fix capitalization
Museum
show examples
 over six
years
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Overview, the interest of the
visitors
Use synonyms
 changed by
years
Use synonyms
. The National
Gallery
Use synonyms
 increased gradually
year
Use synonyms
 by
year
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the Victoria and Albert
Museum
Use synonyms
 decreased progressively till 2012.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the British
Museum
Use synonyms
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 almost the same in those
years
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
In 2007 and 2008,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 most visited
museum
Use synonyms
 was the Victoria and Albert
around
Change preposition
, with around
show examples
 14
million
Use synonyms
annually
Check wording
visitors annually
show examples
. The British
Museum
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
 were between six
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 thirteen
million
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Gallery
Use synonyms
 slightly changed from six to eight
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
In 2012,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 National
Use synonyms
gallery
Fix capitalization
Gallery
show examples
 crossed 15
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
. The three museums
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 10
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
and above
Correct word choice
or more
show examples
.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, from 2009 to 2011 a slight
increases
Fix the agreement mistake
increase
show examples
 in the number of annual
visitors
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In summary, over 6
Use synonyms
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 all the museums
did
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 not reached 20
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
 annually yet.
Evem
Correct your spelling
Even
 though, people’s choices differ from
year
Use synonyms
 to
year
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: Add a clearer overview. Say the main trends in one short part: National Gallery went up, Victoria and Albert went down, and British Museum was mostly stable.
task response
Task response: Use more exact data to compare the three museums. Give key numbers for the start, middle, and end years.
task response
Task response: Be careful with wrong details. Check years and numbers, because some points are not fully clear or may be incorrect.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Group ideas by clear time periods or by museum. This will make the report easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use simple linking words correctly, like 'while', 'in contrast', 'by 2012', and 'overall'. Avoid using too many connectors that do not fit.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Make sentence order smoother. Put the main idea first, then add numbers after it.
task response
Task response: You included an overview, and this is important in Task 1.
task response
Task response: You used some numbers from the chart to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your report has a beginning, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The main trends can be understood by the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: