IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. - To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? - Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is impossible that technological advancement can
led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of traditional culture. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as festival celebration happens through mobile phones
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 many young
influencers
Use synonyms
 on social
media
Use synonyms
 believe that traditional heritage is boring.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, technology has become a significant part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern existence. Many young
generation
Check wording
people
show examples
 follow many famous social
media
Use synonyms
influencers
Use synonyms
 on social networking sites. These
influencers
Use synonyms
 think that following traditional culture makes them boring and outdated.
As a result
Linking Words
, not following their heritage has become a new way of
accquiring modernization
Correct your spelling
acquiring modernisation
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many social
media
Use synonyms
influencers
Use synonyms
 are performing wedding ceremonies with
minimum
Replace the word
minimal
 cultural rituals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, exchanging face-to-face greetings for cultural festivals has become less common. As technology advances, it
is
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 become easier to communicate with anyone all around the world with just a simple touch.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough time to meet their relatives
inperson
Correct your spelling
in person
 to celebrate traditional festivals like Eid and Diwali.
Therefore
Linking Words
,individuals tend to exchange greetings through
whatsapp
Fix capitalization
WhatsApp
show examples
 messages
instead
Linking Words
 of face-to-face meetups.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
 way of celebrating festivals is getting lost.
For example
Linking Words
, in past,
people
Use synonyms
 used to give Eid cards
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their friends and family during Eid.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays individuals prefer sending messages on social
media
Use synonyms
 sites.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are forgetting their culture
due to
Linking Words
 the growth of innovation. To sum it up,
although
Linking Words
 technological development may have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a significant impact on cultural values.
This
Linking Words
 is because many
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 do not understand the importance of cultural rituals because of the influence of social
media
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. Your first line has a word error, so your position is not fully clear.
task response
Answer all parts of the question in a more full way. Say how far you agree, not only agree or disagree.
task response
Add one more main idea or explain each idea more. This will make your answer more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that clearly link to your main view in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are good, but a few are overused. Try to use simple links in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. Some sentences do not connect smoothly, and a few ideas repeat.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give real and clear examples, like Eid cards, WhatsApp messages, and wedding rituals.
task response
Your ideas stay mostly on the topic of technology and culture.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inevitable
  • traditional cultures
  • technological development
  • modern society
  • incompatible
  • decline
  • traditional crafts
  • rituals
  • digital communication
  • preserve
  • promote
  • documentation
  • online archives
  • virtual museums
  • social media
  • coexist
  • integrates
  • digital storytelling
  • augmented reality
  • cultural tourism
  • perspective
What to do next:
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