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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that if a child commits a crime he or she should be punished, while others think it is the child’s parents who should be punished. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that
children
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 who commit crimes should face punishment themselves,
whereas
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 others believe that the responsibility lies with the
parents
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and provide my opinion. Those who support punishing the child argue that young offenders must learn that their actions have consequences.
Firstly
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, facing legal consequences helps
children
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 understand the seriousness of their
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 and teaches them personal responsibility.
Secondly
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, early punishment can prevent more serious criminal
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 in the
future
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 by instilling discipline and accountability from a young age.
For instance
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, a teenager caught stealing may
realize
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realise
show examples
 the importance of following rules if they are given a suitable sentence.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that
parents
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 should be held accountable for their
children
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’s actions.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 are responsible for guiding their
children
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 and teaching them the difference between right and wrong. If they fail to provide proper supervision or moral guidance,
children
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 may commit crimes
due to
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 neglect.
Secondly
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, punishing
parents
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 can encourage better parenting and prevent
future
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offenses
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offences
show examples
.
For example
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, if a child repeatedly engages in vandalism, holding the
parents
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 responsible may motivate them to monitor their child more closely and correct their
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion, both perspectives have valid points. Punishing
children
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 teaches them personal responsibility and discourages
future
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 criminal
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
,
while
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 holding
parents
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 accountable ensures proper guidance and supervision. In my opinion, a combined approach is the most effective
:
Punctuation problem
. Children
show examples
children
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 should face suitable consequences for their actions, but
parents
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 should
also
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 be involved in corrective measures.
This
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 not only enforces accountability but
also
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 helps prevent similar
offenses
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offences
show examples
 in the
future
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.

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task response
For task response, your opinion is clear, but you can make it stronger by explaining why your mixed view is best in more detail.
task response
For task response, your examples are good, but they are a bit general. Add one more clear and real example to support each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. To make it better, use a few more linking words like 'however', 'as a result', and 'therefore' with care.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some points could be developed more fully. After each main idea, add one more sentence to explain it.
task response
For task response, you answered all parts of the question and gave your opinion clearly.
task response
For task response, your ideas are relevant and stay on the topic from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main focus, so the essay feels well organized.
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