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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. What advantages and disadvantages can come of this trend?

Nowadays, the necessity of working online from home is widely debated.
While
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 some people believe that online
work
Use synonyms
 has grown in some countries. Others argue that the traditional working style is an effective method to achieve productivity. On the one hand, working online has a detrimental impact in some countries because advanced technologies are creating more opportunities for working from a distance.
Moreover
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, it is widely regarded as one of the key factors to manage time and money
,
Punctuation problem
;
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instead
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 of spending valuable time travelling for
work
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, they can spend it with their family. Working online creates different options to control the working process, since it would be affective method to monitoring employee by owners ,
for example
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.
On the other hand
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, some people find online
work
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 difficult and challenging for themselves.
In addition
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, the fact thay meant to clearly true because gaps between generation is
also
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 a significant difference. babyboomer and Millennials are not familiar with
technologies
Punctuation problem
technologies,
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therefor it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to serious misunderstandings rather than traditional working methods. In fact, online
work
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 poses a serious threat to many jobs, especially services that are used in daily life ,
such
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 as transportation and gastronomy. These give rise to unemployment, resulting in less taxes to the country's budget coming through services. In conclusion, technological advancement plays a crucial role in online working, but modern society should take into account the old and experienced generation as a main source of keeping
balance
Correct article usage
the balance
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.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Write one full paragraph on good points and one full paragraph on bad points.
task response
Give more clear ideas. Some lines are hard to understand, so your meaning is not always clear.
task response
Use one or two real and simple examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentence clear at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some ideas do not connect well, so the paragraph flow is weak.
task response
You answered the main topic and wrote about both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to add support for your ideas, such as time, money, and job loss.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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