IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that it is better for school-leavers to start work immediately. Others say that to be successful, school-leavers should go to university first. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

The topic of
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school
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-leavers has been controversial. Some people might claim that
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school
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-leavers should start working as soon as possible after finishing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
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school
Punctuation problem
school,
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whereas
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 I agree with those who think that they should attend university before they start
work
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. The following examples will be
provied
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provided
 to support my agreement. On the one hand, it is commonly
belived
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believed
 that it is better for
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school
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-leavers to start
work
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 immediately. One of the most important reasons is that
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school
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-leavers can have more chances to gain real experience and learn practical
skills
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 related to their future
occupation
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occupation,
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 since some jobs require workers with more practical
skills
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 and expertise rather than a degree certificate.
For example
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, the latest reseacrh conducted by ......, it was revealed that 80 percent of students in Australia who start working suddenly when they leave year 12 tend to be successful in their specific
such
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 as an aircraft mechnic as they have more oppotunities to partucipate in workshops and develop their
skills
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 from a real job environment rather than just reading or studying about it in the classroom.
This
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 example
,
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apply
show examples
 shows that hands-on experience plays
as
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a
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 major role in
thier
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their
 future occupation.
On the other hand
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, I strongly
belive
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believe
 that people who graduate from high
school
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shoul
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should
 go to university
fisrt
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first
.
According to
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 tertiary qualifications are required in a number of professional
carees
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careers
.
This
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 is because if
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
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 would like to be a doctor, a lawyer or even a teacher, they have to study and graduat in relevant degree.
For instance
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, in a recent educational journal, it has been cited that in order to become a doctor,
know
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known
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 as
general
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a general
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 practitioner, in Thailand, students are
require
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required
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 to study in medical
school
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 for at least 6 years. Those without any medical certification cannot unquestionably
work
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 in
such
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field
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a field
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. I agree with
this
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 reason
becasue
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because
 workers with univeristy degree are most likely to have
siperior
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superior
 job opportunities
Punctuation problem
, to
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to have
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and
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 in order to
work
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 as professionals
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such
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, such
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 as a .... earn higher salaries than those with lower qualifications In conclusion, having consideration
both
Change preposition
for both
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 sides of
this
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 topic,
although
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 working
sudenly
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suddenly
 after
school
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 presents some benefits
becaus
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because
 people can gain hands-on experience and
leaern
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learn
 practical
skills
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, I agree with those who think that fresh graduate students should
are
Wrong verb form
be
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 encouraged to study at university before they start their
carees
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careers
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You wrote about both views, but some ideas are not fully explained.
task response
Give a clearer opinion from start to end. Your opinion is there, but some sentences make it less clear.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. One example has missing source words, so it feels weak.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, reason, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion. Some links now are not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. A few sentences are hard to follow because the grammar breaks the flow.
task response
You answered the full question and discussed both views.
task response
Your opinion is clear: you support university first.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples in both body paragraphs to support your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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