IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

In many countries, there is a significant increase in people who are planning to have
children
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 later in their lives, and it has become a subject of growing discussion.
Although
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 there are certain drawbacks, I firmly believe that the advantages significantly outweigh the disadvantages. It must be acknowledged that the delay in having
children
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 does present some disadvantages. The main concern is that some families find it difficult to support their child financially in the later stages of their life as they take early retirement.
While
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this
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 is a valid consideration, it is relatively minor if they do some savings before retirement.
Nevertheless
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, the benefits are far more substantial. First and foremost, they do not feel restricted in exploring different opportunities in their life.
For instance
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, if a family woman decides to get a job in a different country than her husband, they can make a decision easily without thinking who will take care of their child, as they never planned about having
children
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 or do not have any
children
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.
Additionally
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, some people have low salaries in the early days of their career
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the burden of educating a child would break them financially.
Furthermore
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, they get time to make big investments and savings, which can help them in growing their family with good wealth. Taken together, these points clearly demonstrate that delaying pregnancy is a predominantly positive development. In conclusion,
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while
Correct word choice
apply
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financial support for
children
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 is an important factor in the later stages of someone's life. I am convinced that the advantages, particularly planning ahead financially before retirement and freedom to build a career in the early days, far outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why people wait, and then compare good and bad points in a clear way.
task response
Use examples that are more real and easy to follow. One example about work is good, but it should fit the topic better.
task response
Develop your ideas more. Some points are good, but a few need more detail to fully support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, like 'Nevertheless' and 'Furthermore', but a few sentences are too long and not smooth. Make them shorter.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each main idea stays focused. One paragraph should talk about one main point with support.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
You answer both questions, so the reader can see your position.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words to connect ideas across the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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