In most countries, prison is an effective solution for the problem of crime. Some people think a more effective solution is to provide a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

An increasing number of
people
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have started to discuss whether better
education
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is an effective solution for the problem of
crime
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.
However
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, from my perspective, prison is a crucial factor
for
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in the
show examples
crime
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rate
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. Among numerous reasons supporting my ideas, the primary one is that
prisons
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are more likely to protect victims.
For instance
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,
offender’s
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offenders’
show examples
behaviour can be restricted
,
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apply
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when they are sent
in the
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to
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jail.
This
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demonstrates that the criminals do not approach injured
people
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.
Moreover
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,
prisons
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allow a majority of prisoners more opportunities,
such
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as providing practical skills or
comunication
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communication
skills during
prison
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the prison
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period.
This
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approach can reduce reoffending
rate
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, because those
crimials
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criminals
can make a living in our societies and do not encounter financial pressures.
Overall
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,
prisons
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not only protect
residents
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residents'
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safety by limiting
offenders
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offenders'
show examples
freedom, but
also
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give them more
changes
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chances
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by providing
praticial
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practical
resources. Those who hold
different
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a different
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view might maintain that better
education
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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more likely to reduce the
crime
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rate
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. schooling and parenting
paly
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play
a
curcial
Correct your spelling
crucial
role, which corrects children’s bad behaviour and
also
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prevents them from breaking the law in their adulthood.Even though their argument is valid to a certain degree, we should not forget that
education
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simply reduces the
crime
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rate
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in the future, but it can’t influence
people
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,
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apply
show examples
who are sent
in a
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to
show examples
jail.
Therefore
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,
prisons
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are an essential part of society to deter
people
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from committing a
crime
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,
instead
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of
enhancement
Replace the word
enhancing
the
education
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. In conclusion, I believe that prison is the most effective approach
for
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to
show examples
the problem of
crime
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.
Although
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some
people
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might not see eye to eye with me, and argue that a more effective way is to provide a better
education
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.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear from the start. Say exactly why you agree, not only that prison is important.
task response
Answer all parts of the question more fully. You should compare prison and education in a more balanced way.
task response
Use one or two clear examples with more detail. Your example about prison skills is good, but it needs more support.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some ideas join well, but some sentences feel too long or not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects clearly to the one before it.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the essay and keep it to the end.
task response
You include both prison and education, so you try to answer the full question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words like 'For instance', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion' help guide the reader.
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