IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government should spend money on the search for life on other planets, whiles others believe that is a waste of public money because there are still many problems on earth. discuss both views and give your opinion

It is commonly believed that the authorities ought to allocate funds to research other
planets
Use synonyms
 for signs of life,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that the urgent problems on
Earth
Use synonyms
 must come first. In my view, I agree that solving
Earth
Use synonyms
’s problems,
such
Linking Words
 as environmental issues and poverty, should be the main priority. On the one hand, individuals believe that the government should spend a large amount of money on researching other
planets
Use synonyms
 to find signs of life and seek new types of materials.
In other words
Linking Words
, the government should supply space programs with funds;
as a result
Linking Words
, humanity can make breakthroughs in the space sector.
For instance
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, if humanity finds habitable
planets
Use synonyms
, we could
colonize
Change the spelling
colonise
show examples
 them and
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 them as a second home.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these
planets
Use synonyms
 may contain new types of materials; even if they do not, humanity could extract fossil fuels and metals to support our
civilization
Change the spelling
civilisation
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the primary reason why individuals argue that solving global issues on the
Earth
Use synonyms
 is a priority is that human activity has a harmful effect on the environment. In the modern world, an increasing number of corporations are building factories and extracting resources from the
Earth
Use synonyms
, which leads to detrimental effects,
such
Linking Words
 as CO₂ emissions and deforestation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another problem on our planet is poverty; over 60% of the population live poorly, and the government could
subsidize
Change the spelling
subsidise
show examples
 and create job opportunities for these people to solve
this
Linking Words
 dilemma. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 space exploration offers potential for scientific breakthroughs and future
colonization
Change the spelling
colonisation
show examples
, I believe that the
Earth
Use synonyms
 is our home, and governments should prioritise solving the major challenges on our own planet.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the first side is a bit short.
task response
Add one more clear example for each side. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Be careful with facts and numbers. For example, 'over 60% of the population live poorly' sounds too strong and may not be true.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need more support. For example, the part about getting fuel and metals from other planets needs more explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. You do this well in many places, but do not overuse them.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion clearly.
task response
Your main position stays the same from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one main focus.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion, and both are clear.
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