IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government should spend money on the search for life on other planets, whiles others believe that is a waste of public money because there are still many problems on earth. discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is commonly believed that authority ought to allocate funds to the research of other
planets
Use synonyms
 for signs of life,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that the urgent problems on
Earth
Use synonyms
 must come first. In my view, I agree that solving
Earth
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’s problems should be the main priority,
such
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 as environmental problems and poverty. On the one hand, individuals believe that the
government
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 should spend a large amount of money on researching other
planets
Use synonyms
 to find signs of life and seek new types of materials.
In other words
Linking Words
, the
government
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 should supply space programs with funds, so that humanity can make breakthroughs in the space sector.
For instance
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, if humanity finds habitable
planets
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, we could colonise them
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and utilized
such
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 as a second home.
Furthermore
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, these
planets
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 may contain new types of material
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 even if they
haven't
Verb problem
don't
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, humanity could take fossil fuels and metals.
On the other hand
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, the primary reason why individuals argue that solving global issues on
Earth
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 is a priority is that human activity has a harmful effect on the environment. In the modern world, an increasing number of corporation building factories and extracting resources from the
earth
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, which leads to detrimental effects,
such
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 as CO₂ emissions and deforestation.
Moreover
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, another problem on
earth
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 is poverty over than 60% of the population lives poorly, and the
government
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 could subsidise and create workplaces for these people to solve
this
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 dilemma. In conclusion,
while
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 space exploration offers potential for scientific breakthroughs and future colonisation, I believe that
Earth
Use synonyms
 is our own home, and the
government
Use synonyms
 should prioritise solving the major challenges on our own planet.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You did this, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the body too, not only in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
Use more clear examples. Some ideas are good, but they need more support.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check unclear parts and incomplete ideas, because they break the flow of the essay.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are easy to see.
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