IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

For some people, having many personal items in their living space creates a sense of comfort and identity. What are the advantages and disadvantages of maintaining such an environment?

Environment
Correct article usage
The environment
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 has a very big impact
in
Change preposition
on
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 our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. It often helps us not just to feel comfortable and be yourself
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it can make us feel lost. So in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I represent
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 and disadvantages of maintaining
such
Linking Words
 an environment.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people can save things that have value for them. Hoarders usually are very sentimental.
For instance
Linking Words
, many mothers collect photos of their children, collect their drawings,
other
Correct word choice
and other
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 childhood stuff like toys. I think it encourages people
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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not
forget
Verb problem
to forget
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 what they love, who they are and what is most important to them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, for creative people, it can be a form of outpouring, an expression of their art. Their house should be fascinating. They can have a lot of
items
Use synonyms
 but still feel excellent and filled
of
Change preposition
with
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 happiness.
Firstly
Linking Words
, hoarding
sometimes can
Correct word order
can sometimes
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 become a mental illness. If
person
Correct article usage
a person
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 can’t throw away
items
Use synonyms
, it may be an addiction. I think that it is
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 horrible thing.
Secondly
Linking Words
, having many
items
Use synonyms
 in your home can distract you from being focused. If you are working from home or just doing your
homework
Punctuation problem
homework,
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 it can be really hard to do one thing. You can go from one work to another very fast and don’t end anything.
As a result
Linking Words
, having personal
items
Use synonyms
 in your living space can make you feel different. It makes your sentimental
items
Use synonyms
 be saved,
it
Correct word choice
and it
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 can be a very good form of expressing yourself. But
also
Linking Words
 it reduces
focussing
Replace the word
focus
 and can become like
addiction
Correct article usage
an addiction
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about good points and bad points, but some ideas are short.
task response
Add one more clear example for the bad side, not only the good side.
task response
Make each main idea bigger with 2 or 3 more lines of support.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, because, so.
coherence cohesion
Group similar ideas in one paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
task response
You answer both the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a short ending.
task response
You give a real example about mothers keeping photos and toys.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are easy to understand in most parts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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