IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

For some people having many personal items in their living space creates a sense of comfort and identity. What are the advantages and disadvantages of maintaining such an environment?

We are communicating, feeling fulfilled
people
Use synonyms
. We have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of personal stuff
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 when
things
Use synonyms
 become necessary
later
Punctuation problem
later,
show examples
 it’s hard to throw it out. With
Use synonyms
things
Add a comma
things,
show examples
 humans are creating their living environment and their emotional
space
Use synonyms
 too. So in other
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
 it would be discussed about
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of maintaining
such
Linking Words
 a living environment where there is a
lot
Use synonyms
 of valuable stuff for humans.
Firstly
Linking Words
, keeping
such
Linking Words
 an environment makes a human feel better and like at home.
People
Use synonyms
 really need
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
 to slow down from work and just be themselves.
People
Use synonyms
 create their home with their imagination and
feeling
Check wording
feelings
show examples
. So in their
homes
Add a comma
homes,
show examples
 they may have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of valuable
things
Use synonyms
 that create a
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
 and relaxed atmosphere.
In addition
Linking Words
, maintaining many personal items in
living
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 may train your memory.
People
Use synonyms
 invite their close friends or well known humans into their homes. Guests may politely ask what these
things
Use synonyms
 are, why they are even there
and ect
Correct your spelling
etc
. A human may explain and tell stories
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is a thriving entertainment. So keeping a
lot
Use synonyms
 of valuable
things
Use synonyms
 in
living
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 may let a
person
Use synonyms
 feel calm and train
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 memory.
However
Linking Words
, maintaining many personal items has some disadvantages. First of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
 it can make a human feel stuck in the past. Important
things
Use synonyms
 are valuable because of their past. If a
person
Use synonyms
 has a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
stuff
Punctuation problem
stuff,
show examples
 he just lives and lives in memories he has had for a long time ago. A human may be closed
from
Change preposition
off to
show examples
 others
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it just drags him down.
Also
Linking Words
keeping
Punctuation problem
, keeping
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of valuable
things
Use synonyms
 can make it harder for a
person
Use synonyms
 to concentrate on other important activities like working or learning something. It usually depends on each
person
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 usually a
space
Use synonyms
 filled with many interesting
things
Use synonyms
 attracts more attention than a boring book with some theory. So maintaining a
lot
Use synonyms
 of personal items in
living
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 may jail a human in his past and mess with his mind. To sum everything up
keeping
Punctuation problem
, keeping
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of valuable
things
Use synonyms
 has some benefits and some negative sides, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it has more disadvantages than advantages
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 a living
space
Use synonyms
 should be a
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
 and tidy
space
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more clear way. You do this, but some ideas are too general.
task response
Add one or two real and clear examples. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. Some lines are hard to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences and then support them with simple reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but some sentences do not connect well. Make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words like 'human' and 'valuable things' too much.
task response
You answered both the advantages and the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like 'Firstly', 'However', and 'To sum everything up'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: