IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many parts of the world today, there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people skin. Outline the reason for using such products, and discuss what effect they have in term of health and Society?

Nowadays, in today's era,
people
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 are using various cosmetic
products
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 which easily change their
skin
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 tone and make their
skin
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 lighter than ever. One of the main reasons is
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
 and social media
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the other is maintaining
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 status in
society
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. Using these
products
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 on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis
cause the
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
skin
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 damage and
reinforce colorism
Correct subject-verb agreement
reinforces colourism
show examples
 in
society
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. It is true that advertisements play a significant role in the promotion of
make-up
Correct your spelling
makeup
products
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. Social media influencers are the role models of youngsters
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the ad companies highly pay these influencers for promoting their
products
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 on social media platforms.
People
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 feel more confident, and
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 recommended
products
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 to
whitening
Wrong verb form
whiten
show examples
 their
skin
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they look more beautiful and accepted in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, using expensive brands
such
Linking Words
 as Sisley Paris, La Mer and Tom
ford beauty
Fix capitalization
Ford Beauty
show examples
 is linked with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher social status.
People
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 love to spend on these
products
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 because of their quality, benefits
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 of
course
Punctuation problem
course,
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 for leading a luxurious lifestyle. Because of
this
Linking Words
,
people
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 use
whiten
Replace the word
whitening
products
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 to improve
work
Correct determiner usage
their work
show examples
 and social chances. The negative effects of these
products
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 cannot be ignored.
Firstly
Linking Words
, these
products
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contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 a lot of chemicals which may cause
skin
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 damage, thin
skin
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 and long-term health problems. The overuse of beauty
products
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 made their
skin
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 dull and sensitive to the sun, they feel irritation on their face,
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skin-burn
Punctuation problem
sunburn,
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 and
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 risk of
skin
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 diseases. Another point is that
,
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apply
show examples
 film industries and
society
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 always give priority to the light-skinned
people
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. It may create
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 sense of
colorism
Change the spelling
colourism
show examples
 and unfairness in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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. Even talented young
people
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ignored
Verb problem
are ignored
show examples
 by
society
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 just because of their
skin
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, and they feel they will never become successful and confident like others.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 cosmetic
products
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 may help
people
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 feel more confident and socially accepted, their long‑term effects can be harmful. Excessive use of
skin
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‑lightening items not only damages the
skin
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 but
also
Linking Words
 strengthens
colorism
Change the spelling
colourism
show examples
 in
society
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 should be encouraged to value natural beauty rather than relying on artificial
products
Use synonyms

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Write a little more about why people use these products, not only ads and status.
task response
Use clearer examples to support your ideas. For example, give one real health risk and one clear social effect.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are not fully explained. Add one more sentence after each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is not smooth. Use simple links like 'First', 'Also', 'As a result', and 'In the end'.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are hard to follow because of grammar. Shorter sentences will make your meaning clearer.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic and easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • skin-lightening products
  • whitening cream
  • beauty standard
  • social pressure
  • self-confidence
  • media influence
  • light skin
  • dark skin
  • higher social status
  • job chances
  • chemical harm
  • skin damage
  • thin skin
  • burns and rashes
  • health risk
  • long-term illness
  • sensitive to sunlight
  • social unfairness
  • colorism
  • self-worth
  • public attitude
  • false image of beauty
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