In the future, we will have more and more leisure time as machines replace many of the tasks we do at home and work. Discuss the benefits this will bring and also the problem it will cause.

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In recent years, it has become evident that the use of
technology
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is increasing , and it is said that more advanced
technology
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will be used, which can replace various responsibilities in personal and professional life.
This
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essay will describe the potential advantages ,
along with
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possible issues, created by machines. The primary benefit would be allowing
individuals
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to spend
time
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with their families and pursue their hobbies. If more
time
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is devoted to personal life and fostering healthy relationships, people will enjoy their professional
lives
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as well.
For instance
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, those
individuals
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who invest less
time
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in leisure activities are more likely to experience stress and become unfocused at their
jobs
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, which will create less productive employees at work.
Therefore
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, if people are given extra
time
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for their personal
lives
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by innovative
technology
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, they will not only maintain strong relationships but
also
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remain satisfied at work.
On the other hand
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,
although
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this
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practice will generate positive effects, there will be some drawbacks to using
technology
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. It will become very difficult for local people to search for
jobs
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because most of the
jobs
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will be accomplished by the new machines, increasing the unemployment rate among
individuals
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.
In addition
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, the presence of several appliances at home will lower the interest to engage in household chores, as
individuals
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tend to rely on automated systems.
Consequently
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, reducing physical efforts may lead to a sedentary lifestyle and a lack of basic skills. In conclusion, if innovation is developing
lives
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better,
this
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will
also
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be displacing
jobs
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and declining physical activities.
Therefore
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, a balanced approach should be followed to maximise the
overall
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benefits, which will prove that advanced
technology
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truly makes
lives
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easier and enjoyable.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more equal way. Write a bit more about the problems, not only the good side.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your points fast.
task response
Give one more specific example for the problem part. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but a few sentences are long and not easy to follow. Make them shorter and clearer.
task response
Check small grammar and word form errors because they sometimes make your meaning less clear.
task response
You answered both the benefits and the problems, so your essay stays on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The first body paragraph has a clear benefit and explains it well.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'for instance', 'on the other hand', and 'therefore' to connect ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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