IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The only reason people work hard is to earn more money. There are no other reasons to do it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that, among various factors that push people to
work
Use synonyms
 diligently, financial gain stands out as the sole motivation, and there are no other reasons to do it.
While
Linking Words
 I acknowledge that
money
Use synonyms
 is certainly an important consideration when people choose to
work
Use synonyms
 hard, I believe that it is by no means the only reason for them to devote themselves to the workforce, as personal fulfilment and a sense of purpose are equally essential, if not more. Admittedly, the desire for higher income can drive workers to exert themselves in the workplace, especially at a time when living costs can easily drain the budget of any low-income family. These expenses include utility bills, housing, healthcare insurance, education, and food, all of which have never been more expensive. In order to meet these basic needs and provide a more comfortable lifestyle, one must make a hard effort and seek better-paying jobs.
Additionally
Linking Words
, beyond just allowing individuals to pay for essentials,
money
Use synonyms
 can serve as a means to realise their personal and professional ambitions. Whether buying a dream house and travelling the world or establishing a personal business, a sufficient amount of
money
Use synonyms
 is always paramount, without which these goals remain far from reality. Despite these compelling arguments, I maintain that there are factors other than material success. First and foremost, many individuals are driven by an inner sense of purpose and passion for what they do. Medical practitioners are a good case in point. Rarely are they incentivised solely by
fund
Check wording
funds
show examples
;
instead
Linking Words
, it is the meaningful impact they can leave on society that compels them to dedicate themselves to their
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, desirable working environments can act as a catalyst. Companies that offer recognition, respect, opportunities for growth, and a supportive team culture often find that their employees
work
Use synonyms
 hard out of loyalty and job satisfaction, not just for a paycheck. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the influence of
money
Use synonyms
 on people’s
work
Use synonyms
 ethic cannot be overlooked, I still share the view that personal passion and a fulfilling
work
Use synonyms
 environment can be cited as equally powerful motivators.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main idea even more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly that you disagree with the idea that money is the only reason.
task response
Add one more very clear example for your second main point. This will make your answer stronger and more fully developed.
task response
In one place, 'there are factors other than material success' is a bit general. Name these reasons again in a more exact way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one clear focus. Keep this clear paragraph plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully and simply. Most are good, but a few shorter links can make the flow feel more natural.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is clear, but it should match your opinion exactly. You mostly disagree, so say that more directly at the end.
task response
You answer the question well and give your opinion from the start.
task response
Your ideas are clear and are explained with good support, such as costs of life and the example of doctors.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a strong structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words help the reader move from one idea to the next in a smooth way.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: