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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, young people are choosing to take a gap year before starting university or work. Do the advantages of taking a gap year outweigh the disadvantages?

In a few countries, people think that it is more beneficial for young people to take a gap
year
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 before starting
university
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, after finishing high school.
While
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 there are some advantages to taking a
year
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 off, like having
time
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 to relax or
studying
Wrong verb form
study
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 more, there are many disadvantages as well,
such
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 as
lacking
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a lack of
 motivation or a
change
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 in acceptance rates.
One
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 of the major advantages of taking a gap
year
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 is allocating that
time
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 differently. For the most part, it can be used as
time
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 to relax. An example of
this
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 would be going on a vacation with friends, either
traveling
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travelling
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 abroad or in the same country, learning a new skill or improving skills you already possess.
Furthermore
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, that
time
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 could
also
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 be used in a more
career driven
Correct your spelling
career-driven
 way.
While
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 relaxing is important as it can avoid burnout and stress, applying to an internship or choosing to volunteer can help with the
university
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 application and even potentially finding a job.
However
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,
while
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 there are many benefits, drawbacks
also
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 exist.
One
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 major downside is the higher chance
for
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of
show examples
 a lack of motivation. After not being in an academic setting, it might be difficult to think about the challenges of starting again
,
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apply
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 at a higher level of education.
For instance
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, some people might not want to study anymore or maybe even found a job in that
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one
Correct your spelling
one-year
year
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 gap. Another disadvantage to consider is the
change
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 in the acceptance rate. Having a high chance of acceptance
one
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year
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 can drastically
change
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for
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apply
show examples
the
next,
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depending on what the
university
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 board decides to
change
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. In conclusion,
while
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 there are many advantages to taking a
year
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 off
in
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apply
show examples
between high school and
university
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, there are plenty of disadvantages to take into account as well.

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the main question. Say early if advantages are stronger or disadvantages are stronger, and keep this view all through the essay.
task response
Explain ideas more deeply. Some points are good, but parts stay general and need more detail about why they matter.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your examples are clear, but they are still quite broad and can be more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas stronger. Some sentences connect well, but a few jumps feel a bit sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with one clear reason and one clear example. This will make each paragraph stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the ending fully clear. The conclusion repeats both sides, but it should clearly choose one side.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You discuss both advantages and disadvantages, so the essay answers the topic in a relevant way.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words like 'Furthermore', 'However', and 'In conclusion' help guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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