IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose higher taxes on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In recent years, the issue of public health has become increasingly significant.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that goverment should impose higher
taxes
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 . I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that governemnt
although
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 taxation may help,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not the most effective way to
adress
Correct your spelling
address
this
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 problem. On the one hand, imposing higher
taxes
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 could help reduce its consumption.
This
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 is because higher prices may discourage people from buying unhealthy meals regularly.
As a result
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, individuals may be encouraged to adopt healthier eating habits, which can improve public health.
On the other hand
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, increasing
taxes
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 may not be the most effective solution.
This
Linking Words
 is because people might continue to consume fast
food
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 despite higher prices, especially if it is convenient and widely available.
Instead
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, governments should focus on raising awareness about healthy eating and promoting better lifestyle choices. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 imposing higher
taxes
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 may help reduce its consumption, it is not the most effective solution. Governments should
instead
Linking Words
 focus on education and promoting healthier lifestyles to improve public health.

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task response
For task response: Your main view is clear, but you need to answer the question more fully. The task asks 'to what extent do you agree or disagree'. You should say this more directly and keep this view strong in all body parts.
task response
For task response: Your ideas are clear but not fully developed. Add one more reason for each side and explain it more.
task response
For task response: You need more specific examples. For example, you can talk about low-income families, busy workers, or school food habits.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear basic structure with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some links are simple and repeated, like 'This is because' and 'As a result'. Try to use a wider range of linking words, but use them correctly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are not fully smooth, especially in the introduction. Check sentence form and make sure each sentence is complete and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear paragraph plan, and the essay is easy to follow.
task response
Your conclusion matches your main idea and gives a clear final view.
task response
You stay on the topic all the way through the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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