IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the average duration of housework women did (unemployed, part-time employed, and full-time) when compared to men who had full-time work in the Peru between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on housework in the UK between 1985, 1995, and 2005,
categorized
Change the spelling
categorised
show examples
 by the employment status of
women
Use synonyms
 and men.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 unemployed
women
Use synonyms
 consistently
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 the most time on household chores, followed by
women
Use synonyms
 with part-time jobs.
In contrast
Linking Words
, full-time employed
women
Use synonyms
 and men of all employment levels devoted considerably less time to housework. In 1985, unemployed
women
Use synonyms
 spent around 7
hours
Use synonyms
 per day on household activities, which decreased to approximately 6
hours
Use synonyms
 in 1995 and
further
Linking Words
 to about 5
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2005. Part-time employed
women
Use synonyms
 spent roughly 5.5
hours
Use synonyms
 per day in 1985, which slightly declined to 5
hours
Use synonyms
 in 1995 before rising again to around 6
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2005. Meanwhile, the time spent by full-time employed
women
Use synonyms
 fluctuated
:
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it was about 2
hours
Use synonyms
 in 1985, slightly increased in 1995, and remained relatively stable in 2005. The chart
also
Linking Words
 indicates that men, regardless of their employment status, consistently spent far fewer
hours
Use synonyms
 on housework than
women
Use synonyms
 throughout the period.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average duration = average time
  • housework = work at home
  • unemployed = without a job
  • part-time employed = working part time
  • full-time employed = working full time
  • spent time doing = used time for
  • higher than = more than
  • lower than = less than
  • showed a fall = went down
  • steadily = little by little
  • by contrast = compared with this
  • the highest = the most
  • the lowest = the least
  • overall = in general
  • remained stable = stayed the same
  • slight rise = small increase
What to do next:
Look at other essays: