IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that art is an essential subject at school, while some think that it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
art
Use synonyms
 is important to be
teached
Wrong verb form
taught
show examples
 in schools
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 others disagree and find it not as important as other subjects
,
Punctuation problem
. Arts
show examples
arts
Use synonyms
 add
values
Check wording
value
show examples
 to a person
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as critical thinking
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
also
Linking Words
 raises awareness of other cultures.
First,
Linking Words
Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 are split in two halves in discussing the imortance of
art
Use synonyms
 as a subject, some of them argue that
art
Use synonyms
 is as important as other subjects and learning about famous paintings and musical instruments can be benificial if one of the students could discover their passion in
this
Linking Words
 subject or if they want to take it as a career in the future
such
Linking Words
 as so many celebrities they discoverd their love for music and acting or dancing from learing about them in school.
Furthermore
Linking Words
arts
Use synonyms
 can raise recognition of different cultures and
teaches
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
 them about other
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
arts
Use synonyms
.
Second,
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it is not necessary to teach it
an
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 it is just a waste of time and waste of grades if someone is not passionate about
arts
Use synonyms
 from the first place,
also
Linking Words
 that
i
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 does not add value that they can take in their future jobs
unlike
Punctuation problem
, unlike
show examples
 other subjects
such
Linking Words
 as science and math.
also
Linking Words
 the fact that there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 limited supplies in school makes it harder to learn
art
Use synonyms
. In my
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
art
Use synonyms
 is very important in
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
people
Use synonyms
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
, it can. Make the person more expressive and enhance their creativity and critical thinking in many ways.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 it can improve the understanding of other countries and their backgrounds. To summarize many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
art
Use synonyms
 is a necssary subject to be studied and it can help many students to express their emotions,
on the other hand
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 argue that studying
arts
Use synonyms
 is a waste of time when they don't have the right resources,
also
Linking Words
 it's not beneficial
such
Linking Words
 as math and science which they can use on a daily basis and in their future jobs.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the side against art needs a bit more full support.
task response
Add one or two clear and real examples. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
coherence cohesion
Make each main idea stand out in one clear topic sentence at the start of each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts join ideas too fast, so the flow is not always smooth.
coherence cohesion
Check sentence order inside each paragraph. Put the main point first, then explain it, then give an example.
task response
You answered the full question and gave your own opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Most of your ideas stay on the topic of art in school.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • cultural awareness
  • artistic methods
  • perspectives
  • historical contexts
  • core subject
  • career opportunities
  • practical skills
  • standardized testing
  • educational metrics
  • economic benefits
  • perception
  • value
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