IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that social media has made people less social in real life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that
it is
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those days
people
Use synonyms
 have
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 less
interacting
Replace the word
interactive
 with each
ethers
Use the right word
other
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 social
media
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 assay completely agrees with
this
Linking Words
 point of view, because communicating by using phones gives
people
Use synonyms
 fake feeling of real
communicating
Replace the word
communication
, and
people
Use synonyms
over
Punctuation problem
, over
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time
Use synonyms
they
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 are losing their
communication
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
. First of all, I believe that real touch with the communities in real life is more important than just communicating
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
by phone, because sending messages or doing video calls gives
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 feeling of real social interaction, and that’s the point. At the beginning of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 replacing going to visit a friend
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 just
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 a quick call, and
this
Linking Words
 gives them
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 feeling of
real
Correct article usage
a real
show examples
 connection. A research by Adam Muhammad,
He
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 was researching
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the effect of social
media
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. The research shows that the brain relies
same
Change preposition
on the same
show examples
 feeling of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
communication
Use synonyms
. That’s why
may
Correct word order
people may
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 replace social
media
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 real
connection
Check wording
connections
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the users of social
media
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 regularly
over
Correct word order
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 they lose their ability of communicating normally
.
Correct word order
over time.
show examples
 And
this
Linking Words
 is because
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the human brain
after
Punctuation problem
, after
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relaying
Verb problem
relying
show examples
 on digital
connection
Check wording
connections
show examples
 for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
,
it start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 to forget how to communicate properly.
Then
Linking Words
people
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over
Punctuation problem
, over
show examples
Use synonyms
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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feels a
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
 afraid of going out and
feels Ashamed
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel ashamed
show examples
 of themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of my friends
when
Punctuation problem
, when
show examples
 he was a child
he
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 used to play football with his
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, after he got his first iPhone, his behaver start to change
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 his social
skills
Use synonyms
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to
disappears
Wrong verb form
disappear
show examples
 over
time
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, lower social
skills
Use synonyms
 will lead to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 more
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
. In conclusion, I strongly agree that social
media
Use synonyms
 has made
people
Use synonyms
 less social in real life.
Although
Linking Words
 it allows
people
Use synonyms
 to stay connected more easily, it cannot replace face-to-face
communication
Use synonyms
 and, over
time
Use synonyms
, may weaken
people
Use synonyms
’s social confidence and
communication
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Check that each sentence fits the main point of the paragraph.
task achievement
Answer the question in a more direct way from the start.
task achievement
Explain your ideas more fully so the reader can follow your meaning.
task achievement
Use examples that are clear and easy to believe.
task achievement
You gave a clear opinion and kept it to the end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You used examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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