IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are choosing to have children later in life. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent
years
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, many people globally are choosing to have
children
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 later in
life
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 rather than earlier. There are many causes for
this
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,
such
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 as financial reasons and child-free activities, and so, I strongly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. A major reason for individuals opting for parenthood later in
life
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 is financial prosperity.
Children
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 are a substantial expense, so focusing on a career before becoming a parent can increase the livelihood of the family.
For example
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, becoming a doctor takes
years
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 of preparation,
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therefore
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
waiting for the completion of that step could provide a better
life
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 for the child.
Furthermore
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, an added benefit to living extra
years
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 child-free is the ability to travel and engage in fun activities that aren't suitable for youngsters. Becoming a parent can heavily limit options for adventurous or
out-going
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outgoing
 people.
Traveling
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Travelling
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 to exotic countries could endanger the
children
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's lives because of the variety of animals and insects,
while
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 certain activities prevent
children
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participating
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from participating
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 altogether.
For instance
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, visiting a theme park full of
roller-coasters
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roller coasters
 is mostly an adult-oriented space.
However
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,
while
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 there are many advantages to not having kids early, there are
also
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 drawbacks, one of the biggest
one
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apply
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being the age difference. Having a significant age gap could lead to
children
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 experiencing the death of a parent much sooner than usual. Studies have shown that the ideal gap between
children
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 and their parents is between 25
-
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and
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30
years
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. To summarise,
while
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 there are many causes for individuals choosing to have offspring later in
life
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, the advantages of
this
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 development far outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You explain why people wait, but your ideas on advantages and disadvantages need a little more depth.
task response
Your opinion is clear, which is good. Still, explain more clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and more closely linked to family life. The theme park example is not very strong for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are good, but a few parts feel a bit sudden. Try to connect your points more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point more. Some ideas are introduced, but not fully explained or supported.
task response
You answer the topic directly and give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You include both sides of the topic, which is important for this kind of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it is divided into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches the introduction well and gives your final view clearly.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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