IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that one of the best ways to solve environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. Do you agree or disagree?

Environmental problems have become a major concern for governments and individuals around the world. It is argued that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 increasing the expense of
fuel
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 for private
vehicles
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such
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 as cars is one of the most effective ways to address ecological challenges. I agree with the idea that a significant increase in
fuel
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prices
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 can systematically reduce environmental problems. There are a number of reasons why I believe that the increase in
fuel
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prices
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 can help the environment. One possible reason is that
people
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 who
use
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 their private
vehicles
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 for transportation reduce their
use
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 of cars when the fuels become more expensive.
For instance
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, they may avoid using cars for short distances and will walk or
use
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 public transport, which directly lowers the air pollution and carbon emissions. Another reason is encouraging
people
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 to
use
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 public transport.
Moreover
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, higher
fuel
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prices
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 can
also
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 push
people
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 towards public transport,where more
people
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 can travel with less
fuel
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 consumption. It
also
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 helps to reduce traffic congestion and sound pollution.
In addition
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, when
fuel
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 is comparatively overpriced,
people
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 may switch to electric
vehicles
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 , which will be a long-term environmental benefit.
Besides
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, governments and companies can invest more in green technology to find a proper alternative of
fuel
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 based
vehicles
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.
Finally
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, expensive fuels make
people
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 more conscious about energy consumption,
thus
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 helping them to think about sustainability and reducing their carbon footprint.
This
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 shift can significantly decrease reliance on fossil fuels and promote cleaner energy sources. In conclusion, considering the factors discussed above, I believe
Increasing
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increasing
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fuel
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prices
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 is an effective way to discourage excessive car usage and reduce environmental damage.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more exact in each body part. One part can focus on less car use, and the other can focus on change to cleaner transport.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some lines have too many ideas together, so they are hard to follow.
task achievement
Add one or two more clear examples. Your example about walking and public transport is good, but more support would make your answer stronger.
task achievement
Explain the limits of your idea. For example, say that higher fuel cost may hurt poor people, but it can still help the environment if public transport is improved.
coherence cohesion
Check sentence form and punctuation. Small errors make some ideas less clear.
task achievement
You clearly answer the question and keep the same opinion from start to end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Most ideas are on topic and related to the environment.
coherence cohesion
You use some good cause-and-effect ideas, such as less car use leading to less air pollution.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental sustainability
  • renewable energy
  • fossil fuels
  • public transportation
  • carbon footprint
  • economic incentives
  • alternative energy vehicles
  • fuel-efficient
  • government subsidies
  • economic disparity
  • urban planning
  • rural infrastructure
  • sustainable development
  • carbon tax
  • green technology
  • demand elasticity
  • energy conservation
  • climate change mitigation
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