More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes. Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development?

The physical appearance of a person is the first point noticed by strangers. In the contemporary era, it is
ensures pivotal importance
Replace the word
essential
to dress
trendy
Rephrase
as trendily
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as possible.
Although
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,
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apply
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one should always attempt to look their best, they should not consider purchasing new clothes frequently
,
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apply
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if the criteria for spending is
,
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apply
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fashion. It is my contention that
,
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apply
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this
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is among the most prevalent issues in modern society. For one thing, dressing fashionably requires work
,
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;
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it aims to acquire a good impression. Undoubtedly,
this
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kind of habit helps to people obtain major and minor achievements in their daily life,
for instance
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, it could be common meetings, interviews
or
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, or
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merely
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
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with others. Notably, young adults constitute the majority of style-oriented consumers.
On the other hand
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, the number of trend-driven individuals increased significantly
overtime
Use the right word
over time
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. Foremost, brand chain stores
renews
Correct subject-verb agreement
renew
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their stock on every occasion and keeping up with them costs a lot of money
as well as
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mental energy.
Moreover
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, the obsession
to wear
Change preposition
with wearing
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the latest clothing items leads to compulsive buying, affecting the buyer.
Also
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, the consumer might feel inadequate for failure to purchase the latest in fashion. Old clothes might go unworn for long periods of time as they would be considered unfashionable.
This
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would be a waste of financial and clothing resources. In conclusion,
this
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essay does not support the growing obsession with fashionable clothing.
Although
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following fashion trends may offer certain benefits, the financial and psychological drawbacks outweigh them.
Therefore
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, it would be advisable to educate the public about dressing appropriately for different occasions,
while
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also
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encouraging more conscious purchasing habits.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in the first part. Say clearly that this is mostly a negative development.
task response
Add one clear example for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Explain your good point more fully. You say fashion helps in meetings and interviews, but you need to show how and why.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your main idea fast.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. At times, the jump from one sentence to the next feels sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in one paragraph. This will help your essay feel more controlled and easy to read.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the essay and keep it to the end.
task response
You discuss both sides before giving more weight to the negative side.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'For one thing', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fashionable
  • important
  • clothes
  • attitude
  • positive
  • negative
  • development
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • express
  • personality
  • creativity
  • industry
  • jobs
  • economy
  • opportunities
  • pressure
  • trends
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • consumerism
  • waste
  • overspending
  • environmental
  • pollution
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