IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, many people choose to educate children at home by themselves instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, it has been observed that parents educate their children at
home
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. Some argue that
home
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-schooling does not exist anymore
and
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, and
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 learners do not only go to
school
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 for education but
also
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 to enhance their social skills. I strictly disagree with
this
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 idea.
This
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 essay will examine the extent to which learning at
home
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 is more effective than in
school
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.
Additionally
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, it will consider two significant factors
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such
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, such
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 as substantial
time
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 and reduced costly fees. One main reason is that
this
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 approach helps students to save their
time
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.
This
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 means that pupils do not have to spend most of their
time
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 in
school
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.
In addition
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,
instead
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 of spending nearly 9-10 hours in
school
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 per day, they can obtain the same merits when they study at
home
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 and divide their schedule as they want between study, hobbies, and visiting their relatives. A study published by New York University in 2013 concluded that 23% of
home
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-schooled children are more intelligent than those who attend
school
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 in various sectors.
Therefore
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, those who do not join
school
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 have more
time
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 for themselves and others. Another important reason is its impact on expenditure. In fact, if a child does not go to
school
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, parents will keep that money for other items,
for instance
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, commerce, investment, and business. Thomas Edison is a prime example; he did not pursue his education,
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however
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but
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,
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apply
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 he was indeed a genius in electricity, and his innovations remain useful from
then
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 until now.
As a result
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, if anyone wants to become something massive, it is not essential to join a
school
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. In conclusion, I firmly believe that studying at
home
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 is more beneficial than attending
school
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, since it saves substantial
time
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 and reduces costly fees.
Therefore
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, I highly recommend that parents adopt
this
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 approach to help their children attain a better and more flexible education.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. The task asks if the good points are greater than the bad points, but your essay mainly gives only the good points.
task response
Add at least one bad point of home study, then explain why the good points are still stronger.
task response
Make your ideas clearer. Some lines are hard to follow, like 'home-schooling does not exist anymore' and 'become something massive'. Use simple and exact words.
task response
Use examples that fit the main idea better. The Thomas Edison example is not strong proof for all children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some parts jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point more fully. The time point and cost point need deeper explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with repeated ideas and very long sentences. Shorter sentences can make your meaning clearer.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it through the essay.
task response
You include two main reasons, so your essay has a clear plan.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'One main reason', 'Another important reason', and 'In conclusion'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tailor-made curriculum
  • individual learning pace
  • collaborative learning
  • social and emotional development
  • educational resources
  • extracurricular activities
  • learning environment
  • real-world experiences
  • schedule flexibility
  • academic qualifications
  • peer interactions
  • family relationships
  • homeschooling
  • customized education
  • traditional schooling
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